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Almost Everything

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It had been a bad week, the worst ever. Every time James thought of what had happened he was consumed with a mixture of shame and anger. He no longer talked to his mother. Sometimes it was more than he could stand to be in the same room -the same house- with her. He knew that she wanted to talk about it, sometimes she cried and begged, but unable to trust himself he deliberately kept his distance.

He could hear her vacuuming downstairs now as he masturbated over the gleaming wash basin in the bathroom. Sometimes he stroked two or three times a day since it happened. In some ways it seemed to relieve the feelings of anger and shame he felt. In other ways it seemed to make things worse.

He climaxed quickly and gripped the side of the basin with his free hand as his orgasm tore through him. His cum spattered wetly into the basin as he kept stroking. He gasped through clenched teeth as his cock spasmed again and his hips jerked.

When it was over he looked down at the thick blobs of cum in the basin. He didn’t run the water to wash it away but left it there and went back to his bedroom.

-Fuck her, he thought, still angry, still confused. Nothing was resolved.

He sat on his bed and looked out of the window. It was raining and he watched the water run down the glass. One rain drop joining the next one, running into each other, getting bigger and slowly trickling down. Like thoughts and worries slowly getting bigger.

When people wrote about incest they never mentioned the mental anguish it caused. Now he sat on his bed thinking, alternately hating and then not hating his mother. He was nineteen, confused and emotional. It was futile to try and think of anything else. He’d tried but it didn’t work. The same thoughts kept returning. There seemed no way to stop them.

He heard the sound of the vaccum cleaner whine down to nothing, the closet door closing as she put it away. There was silence then. The atmosphere the last week seemed as charged with slowly building tension as the still, heavy air before a cataclysmic thunder storm.

His bedroom was small and untidy, gloomy in the half light of a wet and miserable afternoon. He continued to stare at the window when he heard his mother’s footsteps on the stairs, the creak of the loose board on the landing, and the bathroom door closing as she pulled it shut behind her.

There was silence again but for the light patter of rain on the sill. He wanted her to see his cum in the basin and understand why he’d left it there. He imagined her standing there and looking at it glistening thickly. He wanted her to be hurt.

Long minutes passed. It was impossible to know how many. Time had ceased to be something that could be measured. One minute was an eternity filled with a thousand troubled thoughts.

He didn’t hear her cross the landing but he saw his bedroom door open from the corner of his eye. He saw her familiar shape without turning his head, felt her presence and the sadness she brought without having to look at her.

She moved a little. He could feel her watching him and knew when she leaned wearily against the door frame.

He watched one fat raindrop join the one below it and begin its spastic zig-zag journey down the window as another eternity passed.

“-I liked it, okay?” his mother whispered. “God help me, I liked it. I can’t help the way I feel.”

James said nothing but he felt his anger and shame growing.

She moved again and this time he fatih escort was compelled to look at her.

She’d slipped down the doorframe and she was sitting dejectedly on the floor with her legs folded under her, half in and half out of his room. She was crying soundlessly and not looking at him but staring along the landing towards the stairs. Her fingers picked at the old, dark blue skirt she wore around the house. Her grey T-shirt was paint spotted. Her legs were bare, her shoulder length hair untidy.

“It wasn’t just me. It wasn’t just my fault,” she whispered insistently.

She turned her head to look at him. There was pain in her eyes. Her attractive, careworn face revealed the anguish she felt.

“You liked it,” he repeated. The words felt dead as soon as they left his lips. He didn’t want to look at her but he couldn’t turn away.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she began, “-but it’s not like that, James. It’s not dirty… ” A new light came into her eyes, passionate defiance. “People don’t know. You don’t know… but I did, I liked it. I don’t care…”

James stood up suddenly. He didn’t know what he was going to say or do but one moment he was sitting on his bed and the next he was on his feet and glaring down at her.

“-Don’t look at me like that. Don’t you look at me like that,” she said, her voice rising. She rose to her knees and turned towards him and reached out both hands. “Please, James.. You don’t understand. I can’t stand the way things are now. It just happened, that’s all, but I’m glad it did. I wanted to. I still want to…”

There were tears in her eyes as she stretched her arms towards him and James found himself reaching for her clutching fingers but not to hold them. He grabbed her wrists instead and dragged her roughly to her feet then moved his grip to the fleshy part of her arms and shook her.

“You liked it?” he shouted in her face. “-YOU LIKED IT?”

He shook her and she cried. Her hair fell across her face. The tears on her cheeks ran a truer course than the raindrops on the window.

“God help me, I did,” she moaned and then somehow James was turning her around, manhandling her towards his bed.

He sat down and pulled her down over his knees. He wasn’t thinking, only reacting.

She screamed his name and tried to stop him but he held her in place and began to spank her. The only thought in his head was to make her suffer and he spanked her hard as she shouted and begged him to stop and kicked her thick legs.

“-James please… Stop it! -Stop it!” Her voice rose as she continued to struggle.

He didn’t want to stop and wasn’t ready to stop and when he saw that her skirt had risen up he yanked it higher to expose her plain white panties and redoubled his efforts.

The sound of his hand was loud and her fleshy bottom shook as she kicked her legs. It was only when she began to slip to the floor and he could no longer hold her that he stopped.

He was breathing fast then, looking down at her as she lay sobbing on the floor at his feet. Her panties were still showing as she raised her tear stained face to look at him.

“-I don’t care what you do,” she sobbed. “I won’t take it back. I’m glad it happened…”

“-Don’t say that!” he yelled.

“I won’t take it back. I don’t care.”

Her hair hung across her face and she made no move to adjust her skirt and before James knew what he intended to do he was on his knees beside her. He pushed etiler escort her onto her back and knelt astride her. He held her jaw and leaned over her, his face inches from her own.

“-Don’t say it anymore.”

He was trembling now. He didn’t know what he was doing.

“James, don’t hate me,” she whispered. She reached to touch his face but he slapped her hand away.

“You liked it,” he said again. It seemed the only thought in his mind, the only thing he could say.

He dragged up her T-shirt and tugged it up over her breasts as she watched him. He exposed her white lace bra and put a hand on each full breast and made claws of his fingers as he squeezed them.

“What did you like best?” he said, but she didn’t answer, and he began to massage her breasts. He hooked his fingers beneath her bra and prised it up over her breasts and began to caress her again. He found her nipples and pinched and pulled them.

“Is this what you liked?” he whispered. He was breathing fast now. His cock was hard again. He held her nipples and pinched harder watching her face as she lay passive beneath him.

“I don’t care what you do. I love you,” she told him.

“You don’t care?” he panted. “Okay.. so you don’t care…”

He moved off her and took her hand and held it between her legs and made her rub herself.

“You could have done this,” he said. She didn’t try to stop him as he guided her own hand between her legs. “When you wanted to cum last week, you could have done this…”

He held her hand against her panties, pressed her fingers hard there, hating her, not hating her. All she did was look at him.

“Do it now,” he told her. “While I watch you. Make yourself cum.”

He took his hand away and hers remained where he’d placed it. He could hear her breathing and see the rise and fall of her breasts. Her nipples were still erect.

They stared at each other in his gloomy bedroom, on the floor in the shadows beside his bed.

“You think I won’t do it,” she whispered softly. “But I will.”

He watched as she opened her legs a little wider. He saw when she began to move her hand over herself.

“Don’t look at me..” he hissed, but she wouldn’t look away. She kept staring at him as her hand moved between her legs.

She began to use both hands but she never took her eyes from his face. It was James who looked away to stare at what her hands were doing.

He saw her fingers trace her slit through her panties and then she moved both hands inside them and he heard the low, wet sounds her fingers made.

“You could have done this last week,” he told her. He felt numb. He was mesmerised by the movements of her hands inside the stretched material of her panties.

Her movements became faster and more urgent and the wet sounds became louder.

“-I didn’t… want to,” she panted, pausing to grimace mid sentence. She began to move her hips and now she raised her bottom from the floor as her fingers worked faster.

“I don’t care… what you do…. or say…. I still liked it….”

She gasped then and her whole body stiffened. Her fingers were still while her bottom sank slowly to the floor then they began to move again and James heard the way she gasped then held her breath, gasped again, then held her breath.

Her breasts shook as she masturbated for him but now her movements slowed. Her face was flushed, her breathing hitched, then continued.

James reached for her beşiktaş escort wrist and slowly raised one wet-fingered hand to his lips. He could smell her pussy juices and now he licked her fingers, took two together into his mouth and sucked them.

His mother smiled gently, lovingly, and when he looked down he saw that she’d hooked her damp panties to one side to expose her big, swollen pussy. She was slick with her own juices, the short dark hairs sticking to her skin.

He reached down and placed his hand there and felt her heat and wetness.

“-No,” he whispered and began to slowly shake his head.

“Honey, it’s okay,” she told him.

“It’s not…”

“We can do anything.. You can do anything you want. I love you…”

James snatched his hand from her pussy then slapped her there between her legs. She gasped and jerked and he did it again, harder.

Now he gathered both her legs and raised them in the air. One side of her panties were caught between the cheeks of her ass and her pussy was showing where she’d hooked her panties aside and he began to spank her again.

This time she didn’t try to stop him. He knelt beside her, holding her legs in the air, spanking her.

He knew he was hurting her, he wanted to, but he also wanted her to beg him to stop and she wouldn’t. She lay with her hands pressed to her face as he rained hard slaps on her bottom and pussy.

Her one exposed cheek had turned pink before he stopped and roughly pushed her away.

“I don’t care what you do,” she sobbed. “-I don’t care…”

James was breathing in great gulps. He pulled himself onto his bed and sat looking at her. She lay half on her side, her skirt raised, her bottom towards him, one large cheek showing the marks of his hand.

He felt something on his face and realised he was crying and angrily wiped his eyes on his arm.

“I love you, James. It doesn’t matter, don’t you understand? I don’t care…”

Her voice was muffled and now he put a foot on her ass and pushed, rolling her onto her stomach.

He stood over her and took out his cock. He thought he wouldn’t be able to piss but he did. He pissed on her ass and thighs, saw the way her panties turned transparent as they became first wet then sodden. His piss drummed on the floor between her legs then slowed to a trickle and he shook himself off.

He didn’t put himself away. Instead he reached down and grasped his mother’s shoulder and turned her onto her back. She moved heavily but lifelessly and stared at him as he knelt astride her again.

He knelt over her breasts and began to stroke his cock to full erection.

“Now do you care?” he demanded. “Is this what you want?”

He began to masturbate as she lay silent beneath him. He raised himself closer to her face when he began to cum.

“-I didn’t like it…” he gasped. “Can’t you understand that?”

He gasped as he climaxed. His hips jerked as he ejaculated in long, ropey strands on her face. Some of it went in her hair. She didn’t even flinch. All she did was look at him through the dark strands of hair plastered to her forehead.

“I didn’t like it… ”

He glared down at her as he milked the last thick drops from his swollen cock.

She didn’t move as he stood up. She looked as if she’d been raped or gang banged the way she lay there with everything showing.

James stepped over her. He couldn’t think but he could feel his heart still racing, the outraged blood still pounding in his veins.

He stood at the window and watched the rain drops on the glass grow fat and heavy and begin their slow journey down the window.

“You can do anything you want to…” his mother whispered softly.

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