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Book 1 – “The Alpha Man in Me” – Chapter 11 – I Love You

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As I promised, on Thursday evening at exactly seven pm, I phoned Clare.As I dialled, I hoped that she had remembered my call as I didn’t want to talk to her mum and explain who I was. I thought that would be a little awkward.Happily, Clare was waiting by the phone and picked up quickly. It was nice to hear her voice and not her mum’s. I also thought it was good to know that she remembered my call, though I did wonder if it was more down to her not wanting to explain my call to her mum, than hearing from yours truly. At that moment, I slightly leaned more towards the first thought, rather than the latter.We made arrangements to meet again on Monday but at six-fifteen, as I could not get there any earlier because of work. The only difference this time was Clare asked for me to pick her up at a different spot, this time on the main road near the park. It was away from her house, as she didn’t want to bump into her parents as they usually got home at about that time.It felt very clandestine but at this early stage of our courtship, we didn’t want to make any family ripples. My wish for two girlfriends was new and unlikely, and Clare had shown no commitment to me past our Monday night date.We discussed what she was going to be doing at the weekend and she told me that on Friday she will be out with Jaz and Saturday night she probably stay over at Alan’s, maybe Friday as well.“It depends on how that night goes,” Clare then added and as she did, I could feel her cheeky grin coming down the phone line.It made me smile.I knew and now accepted that Clare often cheated on Alan. But perhaps, if she got lucky on Friday night; she was, for the first time, also cheating on me!It felt strange, that she was happy to tell me she was looking to have sex with another man on Friday night. Yet she had never once mentioned to Alan, her current boyfriend, the need to change their home sexual activities. Though on the plus side for Alan, it did sound like he was going to be at least Friday night’s first reserve, which was more than me. Clare and I were more than friends, yet not quite a girlfriend and boyfriend. I felt as if we were in transition, our mutual attraction peeling Clare slowly away from Alan. bursa escort While at the same time, I was trying my best to hold onto Sarah, and currently, I had both my arms tightly wrapped around her.   I had wanted to say to Clare, “I can offer my Friday night services,” but since Tuesday I had started to feel closer to Sarah, even with my instant attraction to Clare. That talk with Sarah, and the fact that she was obviously in love with me, had made me think about what we had together. Though I noted, Sarah had still never used the L-word with me.I had asked myself several times an important question. Could I also be in love with Sarah?It was a question that I now knew the answer to, it was a definite yes.But the bigger question was, why I hadn’t felt it sooner; before Majorca, before Clare.Clare asked me how it went Tuesday night, and I told her that Sarah now knows about her and was a little upset. I didn’t go into detail. However, with time she would be okay if I went out occasionally with Clare. But on one condition, to the world, Sarah remained my girlfriend. Not Clare.As I said it out loud for the first time, I realised it was hard to believe, but it was the truth and I told Clare. But I was not confident about the situation, it was still very fluid.I then somewhat arrogantly added. “Clare, good communication is everything, as I want to date both of you. I do know if we date, it will not be exclusive. As I accept you want to see others.”I was still trying to come to terms with the last part of that sentence but I knew that with Clare, I had no choice. That much was now very clear to me.There was silence from the other end of the line, Clare was thinking and she answered in a quiet steady voice, “Do not forget that I have a boyfriend, so might not be available.”I smiled, it was an honest reply, but even if you took me out of the equation; I was pretty sure that it was only a matter of time before Alan became part of Clare’s history. Though to be fair, I had not yet met him, so I could be wrong. It was I just had that feeling from what Clare had said the other night.“David, I am surprised Sarah is willing to share you,” Clare then suddenly stated.I was surprised too, but bursa escort bayan I had to correct Clare as Sarah was reluctantly sharing me while thinking about our future. That last part was far from being decided.So I said, “She not willing, Clare. She just will accept it at the moment, while we are sorting out our future and when I say our future. I am talking about me and you, and me and Sarah not just Sarah and me.”I paused, and then quietly continued as I gathered my thoughts. I had not been expecting this conversation until I next saw Clare.“I was surprised too that she did not just dump me when she heard that I had cheated on her.”“I am so pleased she didn’t,” I then somewhat bashfully added.  I was aware that I was now sharing my feelings towards Sarah with Clare and I knew I shouldn’t, but at that moment they were still raw, and I found that I just couldn’t help it. I needed to get them out.I was treading water, trying to save what I had, but also add something exciting and new, but socially forbidden.“Clare, there is something else.”I wanted to get it all out there and I was realising that it was easier on the telephone than in person.“I not planning to give Sarah up, as I realise I have feelings for her. Maybe even strong feelings for her.” Clare laughed, which was not the reaction I was expecting!“David, please do not give up Sarah for me, as I told you. I might not be available, and I certainly do not want an exclusive relationship. I want you to carry on seeing Sarah.” I smiled, though I was not sure it was the answer I wanted. This was all so new to me, but I felt that I had gotten lucky and both Clare and Sarah had let me off the hook, though for completely different reasons.With that, we said our goodbyes and hung up knowing it would have to wait until Monday evening. I would not see Clare before then and I planned to further discuss, we needed our lives to move forward.However, Monday seemed so far off, and by then, I wasn’t sure I would still be with Sarah.  I had to get going as I was going over to see Sarah. I needed to spend as much time as possible with her. Above all, I needed to repair the damage I had done to our relationship and I just hoped escort bursa that was possible.For some reason which I was still trying to fully understand, since Tuesday’s conversation, I was more drawn than ever towards Sarah. Yes, there was the growing realisation that I had fallen in love with her, but it was more than that. I knew it was brought on by the changes in her demeanour and then her confession.I may not have shown my emotion to Sarah, but her confession had truly upset me. I needed to be there for her, understand her, and at the same time try to be a better person. I now understood this was all part of growing up and relationships and maybe I had miss judged Sarah. I now realised there was a lot more to Sarah than I had previously appreciated.I had been too dumb and immature to realise, my only excuse was that Sarah was my first true long-term relationship. Though I was still a little confused and I asked myself, why do I lust after Clare when I have Sarah?It was a question I was still finding the answer to.The truth was, though I now realised that I loved Sarah but I just did not know exactly how I felt about our possible long-term future together if there was no Clare.It was something I was desperately trying to understand and hopefully work out. Tonight was going to be the start of healing the damage that I had done to Sarah and my relationship. Not just patching it up, it needed to be a full repair.The way I currently saw our fluid relationships was as follows…Sarah loved for me, truly loved me, but also needed my love and support, as she broke free from those horrible memories of her recent past. We now had a history together. We were a couple and we both knew we were good for one another, and importantly, that we love one another. Though I had noted, that neither of us had said those three magic words, I love you. As for Clare, there was a deep mutual attraction and it was a force that I still didn’t understand. How she seemed to know what I was thinking, yet we had spent so little time together. Clare called the force lust, but I knew it was more than just that.Clare didn’t want to have an exclusive relationship with me, she had powerful urge’s to carry on sleeping around, openly seeing men, boyfriend or no boyfriend. It was a thought I was still dealing with, especially as it played into my deepest sexual fantasy; that I quite liked the idea of sharing a girlfriend sexually with other people.

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