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I usually fall victim to emotional contagion when it comes to music. Most of my writing is induced by an impression I receive by a song or a body of musical work. In fact when I am writing I often relate the emotion of my work to the tempo/meaning of a song.
I discovered the song “Keep Lying” by Donna Missal and immediately felt the energy of betrayal, desire, confusion, loss, frustration, panic, need, and a slew of other things. I wanted to find a way to express what I was feeling, and I think this is it.
Hope you enjoy!
I sat on the floor, my arms wrapped around my leg as I leaned into it. My eyes glared at the fire crackling in front of me, my cheeks stained with my tears. I took a deep, shaky breath and pushed my hair back. With a heavy sigh I let my hair fall over my shoulder, biting my nail as I reached down to pick up the sweating glass. It had brandy and ice in it, the glass slippery and cool against my clammy palm.
I chugged half of it, letting my hand hang down from my knee as I hung my head back. This deep rooted sense of loneliness, fear, heartbreak… It was consuming me. I glanced down at myself and studied the flimsy tank top hanging over my breasts, the worn panties hugging my pussy. My thighs weren’t firm, but they weren’t too flabby either. I couldn’t see anything wrong with my body. So why?
“I’m going,” his voice surprised me and I flinched, glancing back at him over my shoulder. He had a few bags already packed by the front door. I shook my head slowly, turning back to the fire.
“Why couldn’t you just keep pretending?” I muttered, sipping my drink again. I glanced at my arm, admiring all of my tattoos.
“So we both could still hurt?” he challenged and I smirked, turning over my shoulder to study him.
“You were the only one hurting,” I snipped and he sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets as he studied me. “Guess that’s why you went to her,” I grumbled, sniffling as I wiped my palm up across my nostrils. I grabbed my tank top, pinching my nose to get any remnants off.
“I’m leaving you because we don’t work anymore, not because someone else stepped in!” he barked and I laughed, throwing my head back maniacally. I wrapped my arms around my leg, resting my cheek on my knee as I glared at the wall and out into the dark abyss through the window.
“I’m leaving her, I promise. You’re my everything. I’m so happy now that I know what love really is,” I crooned, turning slightly to study him. He was stunned. “She sent me all of your messages this morning, thanking me for treating you so terribly,” I grumbled, closing my eyes as I started to cry again. “I just wish you could have pretended a bit longer,” I choked out, not wanting to cry in front of him again.
“You’re lying!” he snapped and I laughed, rubbing my eyes on my arm as I rested my elbow on my knee, holding my hair back from my face as I glared at the flames. My hand fell to my phone next to my hip, picking it up and chucking it back across the room. I heard it thud and tumble against the floor behind me and he scoffed.
A moment of silence hung in the air. I assumed he was checking my phone, making sure I wasn’t lying. “The worst part is that you’re my fantasy, you’re my perfect one. I love everything about you. I know I’m the problem, but I was hoping you were able to tough it out with me,” I mumbled finally, finishing off my drink. His hand grabbed my arm and that shocked me. My body turned as he jerked me back to look at him.
“What did you just say?” he demanded, looking so frustrated.
“I love you,” I muttered, a rage and pain consuming his face as he glared at me. I went to push him away but he grabbed my other arm, holding them both between us as I struggled. “Let me go!” I barked, his hands squeezing tighter as I struggled.
“Why did you wait this damn long?!” he pressed and I felt my tears, trying to lean away and tug against his hold. “Dammit tell me!” he shouted and I bit my lip, glancing at him.
“Because this is inevitable. And it hurts less if it’s not real!” I offered. He seemed at a loss for words. His eyes studied mine as he leaned over me, holding my arms firmly. He pushed me down then and I gasped, my leg knocking my drink across the floor. I heard the glass roll across the wood, the ice scattering in front of the fire. “What the fuck?!” I demanded, about to get up when he knelt down over me.
His hands pushed my legs down as his body pressed into mine, his eyes studying my face as he leaned toward me. He reached down and pulled my head up toward him, ankara eryaman escort his hand tangled in my hair. My hands pressed into his chest trying to keep him back as my heart raced. He ignored me, his lips finding mine. A moan escaped my lips before I came to my sense hitting his chest as I tried to pull away.
“Stop fighting me!” he grumbled angrily, grabbing my wrists and pushing them back. I fell back from the force, lying against the floor. He held my wrists down firmly, ducking his head down to kiss and bite at my neck. “That’s always the damn problem, you always push me away!” his voice was harsh and heavy, his body practically crushing mine.
“How could I ever trust you now?” I demanded, trying to pull my head and neck away from him. He adjusted my arms, holding my wrists in one hand so he could grab my face. His fingers and thumb pushed into my cheeks, his palm pressed against my chin roughly.
“All I ever wanted was your uninhibited love,” he grumbled, my heart aching as I saw the pain on his face. A single tear escaped as his lips captured mine again. There was no more resisting. My body gave in to him. His hands let me go, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as he caressed my sides. I felt his hands push up under my tank top the fabric riding up my ribs as he wrapped his arms up under me. I adjusted my legs out from under him, desperate for his affection.
He bit my lip, pulling it back before shoving his tongue into my mouth. I moaned, meeting his urgency with my own. Our tongues fought for the other, commanding more. His hand clawed at my back as the other slid up along my ribs and toward my breast. Soon enough his mouth left mine. I panted for air while he kissed and bit his way down toward my chest. My back arched desperately to shove my breasts up at him. He groaned, sucking on my breast through my shirt, his hand still groping the other. I felt his fingers teasing and tugging on my nipple as his tongue and teeth coerced the other one through my shirt. It was maddening.
My hands ran down his back, bunching his shirt up. I slid my hands up under it, clawing at his back as I pulled on him. His body obeyed, pressing down into mine. My legs hung on his thighs as the crotch of his jeans pressed up against my pussy. I could feel how hard he was, feel his desire for me as he occasionally lurched his hips at me.
“Tell me you want me,” I whispered as he kissed up my neck. His hand ran down my stomach and to my hip, gripping and tugging my panties down. They stretched, straining against my one hip as he slid his hand under me to grip my ass.
“I want you,” he growled, his fingers clawing at my flesh as he bit my neck. My back arched, my nails digging into his skin as he leaned into me. His hips rolled suggestively, almost painfully against me. But it was intoxicating. Our lips met again. This kiss was sloppy and urgent. His tongue and teeth devouring my mouth as he continued to hump me. I pressed my feet into the floor behind his legs, grinding myself up against him eagerly. “Fuck,” he huffed, pulling away slightly. His hand released my ass and then I heard him unzipping his pants. Without any build up his fingers yanked my panties to the side. The heat of the fire, my desires, and his body against mine had me burning me up. I was panting and sweating as he adjusted slightly and then I felt it. His dick pressed up against me, meeting little resistance as he worked the tip in.
His hand grabbed my hip again, gripping my flesh as his arm wrapped up under my back. His other hand clawed at my shoulder as he grunted with a thrust. I arched my back, my head pressing into the floor as he forced his way deep into my pussy. It hurt, my pussy sore as it stretched out around him, but I needed this. I needed him. He bit my shoulder, thrusting again with another grunt. I jerked under him, hanging onto his shoulders as I whimpered.
His hand ran along my body as he continued to thrust into me. Our hips were rolling together, my neck straining as he bit and sucked on it. I clawed between his shoulders, holding him against me as my other hand ran down the curve of his back. His jeans gave easily, sliding down a bit as I reached under the fabric to grab his ass. He slammed in deep as I clawed at his ass, encouraging him to push deeper. I ran my tongue along his ear, nibbling on it as I panted.
“I want to be yours,” I whispered and he groaned, trembling slightly. “Tell me I’m your only,” I begged after he thrusted again. I felt his hesitation and choked back my tears, pushing him. He let me knock him onto escort elvankent the floor as I climbed on top of him. Without much grace I crammed him back inside of me, letting my weight bury him inside of me. I slid my hands up his stomach, clawing at his now exposed chest as I worked myself up and down on him.
“God!” he groaned, roughly pushing his hands up along my thighs. They slid into my panties, bunching up the fabric as he gripped my hips and ass. His feet pressed into the floor his eyes running up and down my entire body as he started thrusting up into me. We were both panting and moaning, working almost violently against the other. He was covered in sweat now too, my hair sticking to my neck and face as my breasts bounced violently.
“Does she fuck you like this?” I cried out, collapsing to my elbows over him as I rolled my hips in time with his thrusts. My hair hung around our faces, our eyes locking as his forehead wrinkled. “What the hell does she offer you?” I demanded and he looked upset as he thrusted up into me again.
“You seriously want to talk about this now?!” he grumbled, his voice husky as he slammed into me pointedly. I slid my hands into his hair, pulling his head back as I bit and sucked on his neck. He groaned, his thumbs pressing against the tops of my thighs as his hands commanded my hips down to meet his thrusts.
“Do you love her?” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. He clawed at my flesh, slamming into me hard. I cried out, trembling as a shiver danced along my spine.
“No,” he admitted finally and I bit my lip, feeling triumphant.
“Tell me I’m your one and only,” I whispered, sucking on his ear. He groaned and pushed me off. I gasped, rolling onto the floor. “What the hell?!” I demanded, about to turn to him when his hand grabbed my hip and pushed me up onto my side. The fire’s heat consumed my breasts, my thighs and my face as I watched him crawl on top of me. He pulled my one leg up, straddling the other one as he forced himself inside of me again. His arm rested on the ground behind my shoulder blade, his hand in my hair as he pulled my face to his. We kissed as his other hand pushed my shirt up.
“You’re mine,” he grumbled, his hand squishing my breast roughly before tugging on my nipple. I whimpered, feeling sore as his weight pressed my hip and shoulder into the hardwood. Each thrust pressed his pelvis into my hips and ass. My lips molded around his, my tongue eager to meet his every time it pushed past my teeth. A slight adjustment and curl of his hips pushed him deep, rubbing up against a spot I had never felt before. I cried out and he chuckled, nibbling on my jaw. “This is mine,” he panted, running his hand down my stomach. I could feel the sweat between our skin, but that somehow made it sexier. His fingers brushed up against my clit and I cried out, trembling as jolts of excitement shot through my veins.
“Yes, I’m yours. Only me,” I agreed in time with his thrusts, loving how long each stroke was. I could feel my pussy pulling and gripping against his dick greedily. Everything was so hot, so intense. His tongue ran along my neck and my ear before he devoured my neck. My back was screaming from being so twisted so I turned to pressed my arms and some of my stomach into the floor. He groaned, grabbing my thigh as he bit the back of my shoulder. He was working at the same speed, but was going rougher and deeper, his arm tucked under my neck. He shoved his hand into the front of my shirt, gripping my breast and rolling it in his palm as he continued his onslaught.
I felt his fingers brush and rub against my clit again and cried out, clawing at the hardwood floor. Everything in my body was screaming for a break, for a release. But I feared once this ended he’d disappear too. I held on as long as I could, jerking and rocking with his efforts as he consumed me. I felt his fingers working faster, coercing an orgasm from me. I tried to hold on, to not let myself experience it yet. I didn’t want this to end!
“Wait!” I cried out, my body tensing and heaving as the pleasure mounted. “Oh god wait!” I pleaded, reaching down to grab his wrist. He bit the top of my arm, ignoring me as he started thrusting faster, his fingers never giving up. I clawed at the ground, biting my arm as I moaned and mewled. The pleasure was building, mounting up to be one of the most intense orgasms I had ever experienced. His body was relentless, driving into mine with nothing but primal urge at this point. There was no more tenderness, no more patience. He wanted to cum, etimesgut escort bayan and he wanted me to cum.
“Give in to me,” he growled, his hand reaching up and grabbing my neck. He pulled my head back and I turned, moaning as his tongue and lips devoured my mouth again. His fingers pinched and tugged at my clit as he drove into me, his tongue teasing and caressing mine. It was pushing me to my breaking point. Suddenly he pulled away slightly, rolling me the other way so my back pressed into the ground. His arm held me, his hand in my hair as he kissed me. His hand pressing into my mound as his thumb pushed at and rubbed against my clit. He was holding himself deep inside of me, thrusting slightly to push deeper and rub himself against my lips and clit as well. A few seconds of this and my entire body broke out into a burning sweat, the pleasure emanating from my pussy consuming me. I clawed at his back, crying out and panting as he pushed on.
“Nooo!” I threw my head back as my body erupted when he pulled out and thrusted into me. My pussy was spasming, my body tensing and trembling as he continued.
“Unnngh, ffffuck!” he groaned, going faster. I collapsed to the floor, my back arching and tensing as the waves consumed me. His hands ran down my body, gripping my hips as he knelt up over me. I watched his face contort as he groaned and huffed with need, his eyes taking in my body as he ravaged me. “Yes!” he hissed, slamming into me and hunching over. His hands hit the ground by my head, his hips lurching as he grunted and gasped through his own climax. After a while, he caught his breath and went to pull away. Panic set in and I reached out, catching his shirt and pulling him back toward me.
“Don’t leave me,” I felt the tears bubbling over, not wanting him to slip away. He sighed, reaching down and working my leg out from under him. He pulled me up onto his lap as he sat back, his arms around my waist as he sunk deep inside of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, burying my face into his neck. “I love you,” I whimpered, feeling pathetic.
“I love you too,” he sighed, rubbing my sweaty back as he kissed my head and cheek.
“Are you leaving me?” I whispered after a while and he took a deep breath, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
“Are you going to let me in?” he countered and I bit my lip, wiggling against him. He grabbed my ass, steadying my hips. “Not what I meant,” he grumbled, sounding frustrated. I took a deep breath and sat up, looking into his eyes.
“Work with me, please. Just help me get there,” I pleaded, clawing at his chest. He studied my face, looking like he had a million thoughts and fears running around in his mind.
“Fine. But I’m not waiting forever,” he caved. I reached down, prying my tank top off my sweaty body as his hands slid up my back. His eyes consumed me, his tongue snaking out to lick his lips hungrily.
“You can have my body, my heart, my anything,” I whispered, our eyes meeting as I leaned toward him. My fingers tangled into his hair, pulling his head back as I let my lips brush against his. “Just tell me I’m your only,” I murmured. His eyes closed as his lips and tongue played with mine. His hands slid up between us, caressing my breasts before running down my sides and back to my ass.
“You’re my only,” he huffed, his eyes opening. “All of you will be mine,” he grumbled then, clawing at my back as he pressed his face into my breast.
“Take me,” I insisted. He moaned, pushing me back down into the floor. He sat up and yanked his shirt off, pulling my hands up to touch him. I clawed at his chest, leaving a few marks and he smirked.
“We’re always good at this part,” he chuckled, grabbing my hips and thrusting at me. I gasped, feeling sore but not wanting to give him any indication of it. “The kissing and making up,” he grunted, thrusting again and I giggled.
“Were you actually going to leave?” I glanced at the bags and he hesitated, looking at them and sighing heavily.
“Probably not. You have a hold on me,” he confessed. A smug smile found its way on my lips. Take that you dumb, conniving bitch. This man was always going to be mine.
“Like you have a hold on me,” I whispered, locking my legs around his hips and pressing myself up against him. He smiled, pushing down into me. He kissed me roughly, his arms wrapping up under me. “I love you,” I panted when he pulled away to tease my neck.
“I love you too,” he grumbled. “Now let’s finish making up,” he laughed, thrusting into me again. I whimpered, suffering the soreness because it was nothing compared to how happy I was. I was going to make sure he stayed, no matter what. Even if what he says isn’t exactly true. I just want him to be mine. I didn’t care if he cheated again. He’d always comes back. He’d always be mine. He just had to keep lying to me.
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