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Those of you who have read my stories before know I don’t write short stories, this is the longest yet, I couldn’t break it down anymore without detracting from the plot. I hope you enjoy the new character (M)
Sarah lay there doing her duty, thinking of nothing in particular just looking at the spot on the ceiling where she always looked when her husband had sex with her. She stopped calling it ‘making love’ many years ago and was now at the time in her life when she was just glad when he rolled off her and fell asleep.
James made his usual grunt as his semen spurt into her and a second later he rolled off. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom to clean up; by the time she got back he was asleep as usual. She felt nothing, but then she never did, she had done her duty like she had done for nearly twenty years.
She had met James when she was 18 and he was 28. Her parents adored him and had arranged the wedding more or less as a matter of procedure, as though it was expected that she would marry him even before she had met him, not helped much by the fact that James was the son of her father’s oldest friend. Sarah was totally naive. Relationships, sex and marriage were never discussed in her home so when James asked her to marry him she knew it was her parent’s dearest wish that she said yes, and that they had probably assumed the proposal was just a formality.
The wedding had gone pretty much as weddings do, Sarah feeling like an outsider throughout seemed to be ushered from one part to the next without anyone being concerned for her feelings, all just so happy she had made such a good match. The wedding night was a bit of a surprise as no one had told her anything about sex, not even what to expect, just that they slept in the same bed and that James would ‘Have needs’ which she was expected to help him with. Accordingly when he pulled up her nightdress and pushed her legs apart she was a little confused, what happened next was slightly painful, very embarrassing, and messy. Thankfully it lasted only a few minutes. And that’s how it had been ever since.
Now at 35 Sarah looked back and wondered if thing’s could ever have been any different. She doubted it, deep down she resented her parents for there total lack of ‘worldliness’. She slipped back into bed and soon drifted off to sleep.
As usual the alarm went off at six am the following morning; she woke up and as usual showered and went downstairs to prepare breakfast. Once it was ready she woke her husband and waited in the dinning room till he appeared some fifteen minutes later dressed and ready for work. As usual they ate in silence and as usual at six forty five he left for work with a cursory ‘Bye’. She knew that as usual he would catch the seven o’clock train to the city and he would sit in his usual place and read his usual paper getting to work at his usual time, while she got dressed in her usual totally unfashionable office suit and went to work in her usual car to her usual office in the local town.
‘My, isn’t life exciting’ she mused.
Sarah walked into her usual office and said her usual “Good morning Jill” to her secretary and then sat at her usual desk.
Jill was the same age as Sarah but she seemed much younger, full of life and apparently able to laugh at anything. Sensible, very fashionable and got on well with almost everybody, but no one dared to try and get past her to see Sarah, she was like a watchdog and never let anyone past without clearing it with Sarah first. Sarah looked at her sometimes and wondered why she wasn’t more like Jill, even envied her at times because she just seemed so happy all the time. Yet Sarah couldn’t call her a friend, or anyone else come to that, in her whole world Sarah didn’t have anyone she could truly call a friend, they were all, acquaintances.
“Here’s that Harringay report you asked for.” Jill said, “And today’s post, nothing urgent for a change. Coffee or tea today?”
Sarah took the papers and smiled, “Lets be daring and have tea shall we?”
Jill turned and left the office without a comment, closing the glass door behind her. Sarah felt a slight flush at her ‘Let’s be daring’ comment being ignored, . She checked through the post and distributed it for action and then studied the report. She was still looking at it when Jill brought her tea in. “When do I have a few days free Jill?” Sarah asked, “I think I will have to have a look at the Harringay store, they seem to be getting a bit stagnant, and maybe they need a push.”
“I thought they had that young guy in there now?” Jill commented.
“Yes they do but you know what these graduates are like.”
“Yes I know what you mean, I’ll check the diary but I think you’re pretty clear for the next few weeks.” She went to her desk and pulled out a large desk diary. “Yes. Nothing major for three weeks, I can book you in for next week if you like and see how it goes, if anything comes up I will email you or phone if you like, tuzla escort might do you good to get away for a while, you seem a bit tense these days.”
“Err….Yes book it for next week but keep it quiet I want to have a look at them on the QT, the change might do me good.”
Sarah knew the change would not do her any good, it wasn’t a change she needed. Since her teens she had always felt like this as her menstrual cycle approached. For years she had just passed it off as part of the cycle, till some years ago she had discovered masturbation. Her first orgasm had seriously changed her opinion of ‘that feeling’. She now knew that it would creep up on her slowly, to begin with it was only now and again but since she had started masturbating it had become more regular and, if she was honest more needed. That was what was wrong with her. She was a week past her cycle and she had deliberately denied herself the release masturbation would give her, just to make it stronger. She loved the feeling a strong orgasm gave her but hated the guilt that came with it, the feeling of being dirty, perverted in some way, but her body craved for it and she knew that very soon she would have to give herself that relief.
The following couple of days passed like all the rest. Her trip to Harringay was booked for three days but she knew that it could change once down there. She had not relieved her frustration yet and the pain was getting excruciating, she knew she would have to give in very soon. Tonight was like most nights when the pain got bad, she was working late, a lot later than usual. She was in no hurry to get home as she knew that James would be late home as well and she hated being in the house by herself, she also slyly admitted that she hated doing dinner for him when he came home so late. It didn’t matter what time he got in, if she was there he expected a cooked meal, part of being a working wife he said.
Finally she decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, she would drop some papers off in Ben’s office and go home. Ben was supposed to be the office administrator but it seemed he always got someone else to do his work. Sarah hadn’t bothered to switch any lights on as she was used to walking around in the semi darkness, the night lights gave out a soft eerie glow that somehow warmed her. As she approached Bens office she heard sounds coming from inside, not sure what to expect she crept along till she could see clearly through the glass walls into his office. Now the sounds were clear, and the cause.
“Oh god Ben that feels so fucking good, harder do it harder.” the voice said. Sarah couldn’t see the girls face so wasn’t sure who it was. But what she was doing was plain; she was naked, bent over a chair with Ben, also naked standing behind her, hands on her hips and pulling her onto him. As Sarah was to their side they hadn’t seen her but she could plainly see Ben pushing his cock into her as hard as he could, the look on his face telling how much he was enjoying it.
“Your one fucking horny bitch.” he said. “You know that? One horny fuck.”
“Just fuck me babe and fuck me hard,” she said.
Sarah watched hypnotised by what she saw. This wasn’t how it should be. This was wrong, sex wasn’t….wasn’t…like this. It was boring and horrible. Her legs were shaking and she knelt on the floor before she collapsed and was heard. She could hear them though and the sounds were of fun, excitement, pleasure and one other sound she knew, orgasm, though to compare what she had, or the sounds she made, with the sounds emanating from that office was to compare a trip to town with a trip to the moon. She could feel her clit throbbing, her own need was forcing its way out and she was unable to keep total control, but she also couldn’t leave, she had to know who the girl was, why did she seem to enjoy it and even drive Ben to greater effort and longing.
Even after the woman orgasmed they didn’t stop. Sarah crept behind a plant and found a seat where she could just see them without being spotted. Again she let out a quiet gasp as she saw the woman on her knees, Ben’s cock deep in her mouth and the look of absolute pleasure on Bens face almost made Sarah cry, and still she couldn’t see who the woman was. Then Ben picked her up and laid her across his desk, pushing her legs apart so that her pussy was wide open, getting to his knees he pushed his face into that warm, wet pussy and started to use his tongue. The woman’s face was finally clear. Sarah gasped, louder than she meant to and ran from the office, forgetting the reason she went there in the first place, she ran out of the building and got into her car.
She couldn’t get the image out of her head, legs spread and Ben using his tongue and mouth on that delicate bud. Sarah’s was throbbing in pain, she could hardly see, tears filling her eyes from the agony between her legs made driving almost impossible but she had to get away. Once ucuz escort out of town she pulled off the road and found herself in a dirt track road leading into some woods, she stopped the car and switched it off. She was lost to the pain now, lost to the need to be relieved. She yanked her skirt up, feeling it rip as she did so and wormed her pants down. Her fingers dived into her wet hole and found the cause of all that pain, she forced her fingers deep inside and rubbed her bud viciously gasping with the pain, and the pleasure, harder and harder she forced first one then three fingers into her wet hole until she was finally lost to the pain relieving orgasm. She screamed like she had never screamed before, she gave into the lust and images flashing before her eyes and still she didn’t stop. Twice more she came in quick succession before, through sheer exhaustion, she had to stop. She sat for an age before she dressed herself and started the car. Only then did she realise the risk she had taken, alone in a wood, she hadn’t even locked the doors, anything could have happened. She burst into panic, locked the doors and then burst into tears, sobbing her heart out. Why? she couldn’t say. She just kept asking herself if her whole life had been a lie, sex wasn’t supposed to be fun or enjoyed. It was a painful duty, but then she had to ask herself why she always prolonged her own enjoyment.
“Stupid bitch!” she yelled, and then quietly “That’s not sex, it’s not, it’s…. not.”
She hit the steering wheel in anger and drove away, making her way home, praying that James had gone to bed, or at least fed himself. Her mind a mixture of total confusion and longing, longing to know the truth, longing to know why what she had seen had affected her so strongly.
Thankfully when she got home James had gone to bed. She pottered around the kitchen making herself a sandwich she didn’t really want and then poured herself a large brandy. Sipping the brandy as she picked at her sandwich she tried to make sense of what she had seen, none of it fitted with her lifelong view of what sex should be like, but then, was it her view?
After an hour or so she suddenly realised that she couldn’t in any way justify her belief of what sex or even relationships should be. She wasn’t even remotely experienced enough. She had always believed that you only have sex with someone you love and were married to, i.e. your husband. She didn’t love James. She had never loved James. She had married him because it was expected, and if she was really honest she would have to admit to probably despising him, that in itself was a revelation. As for sex, if she had been doing it this long with James, a man she didn’t love, what the hell did love have to do with sex? Nothing! But….sex was…. dirty, wrong. But who had told her that, nobody had, she had just assumed it because her parents never ever mentioned it, because as her mother had put it the only time she had ever mentioned it, ‘It was a necessary inconvenience to keep your husband happy.’
By the time she went to bed she couldn’t figure out if she was more or less confused, but when she saw James lying there she felt revolted and tried to keep as much room between them as possible. The one decision she did make was, ‘James will never do that to me again.’
The following morning she woke up as usual and went through the usual routine, her mind was still full of confusion but she pushed it to the background as best she could, she knew that once she was at work it would constantly be in view and in her thoughts.
As she went up in the lift she steadied her nerves, took a deep breath and tried to look as natural as usual. She walked to her office as usual, “Morning Jill!” she said, and went straight through, closing the door behind her, she walked to the window and looked out, not seeing anything, just flashing pictures from the night before.
She heard the door open, “Post, tea and coffee.” Jill said, “I think we need to talk don’t we?”
Sarah slowly turned round, “What do you mean?”
Jill turned and closed the door, “I saw you last night. And I think you saw me didn’t you?”
Totally deflated Sarah flopped into her seat, “I didn’t mean….I was just bringing some papers to Ben and….”
“You saw us, how long were you there?” Jill had taken control. She could see that her boss was distressed and wanted to clear the air. She liked Sarah; she liked working for her even though she had always been distant. Jill had always believed that Sarah was like a lost little girl, great at her job, but outside, on the few occasions they had met at the pub, she always seemed lost, locked in her own little world.
“Too long” Sarah replied, unable to look Jill in the eye.
“Im sorry.” Jill said. “Sometimes I just can’t control myself. We thought everyone had gone home, security never comes up that late so we just, well, did it.” She smiled.
“But ümraniye escort Jill, you’re married.”
“Oh Eddy knows all about it, we have a very open marriage, we love each other to bits but, God life can be so boring sometimes.”
“I don’t understand,” Sarah said, bursting into tears, “I just don’t understand any of it.”
Jill was taken aback by the sudden tears and wasn’t sure what to do. She went to her desk and pulling out a box of tissues put them on the desk in front of Sarah. Jill waited till she had calmed down
“I’m sorry Sarah; I didn’t realise you were so upset.”
“Oh it’s not you, it’s me.” Sarah said and it all came out, how she had been shattered to see Jill enjoying it, how she had been brought up, how she was getting to hate her husband. All in one long flow Sarah let out all her confusion and frustration, even down to her masturbating and the ensuing guilt. She kept going till it was all out in the open.
When she stopped Jill was totally shocked, she didn’t know what to say, and if she did she wouldn’t have known how to say it.
“God that felt good” Sarah gasped with a laugh. The mood lightened immediately “You must think I’m a right prude.”
“Well, no not really, I’m not sure what to say. Look, why don’t we go and have an early dinner, I don’t feel comfortable talking to my boss about, well you know, not here in the office.”
Sarah agreed and they left for the Twisted Arm. They ordered there drinks and grabbed a pub lunch, not that either of them felt like eating but it gave them something to fiddle with as they talked.
They sat in a secluded corner and Jill said, “So! All that, in the office, did you mean it for real.”
“Oh I meant it, every word unfortunately”
“If you were brought up like that I can see why you were so confused, are so confused. I take it your husband was your first?”
“And only.” Sarah laughed, “I didn’t even, you know.” she said twiddling her fingers in the air, “till a few years ago and even that I thought was dirty, now your going to tell me I have got it all wrong.”
“Well I would say, misguided, not wrong. We all do what we want to do, what we feel is right for us. Just because I started much younger than you doesn’t make it right for you, it was my life and my decision.
“Well my life was everyone else’s decision. How old were you when you…. started?”
“Bloody hell I was in my teens when I first masturbated, and not too long after that when I lost my virginity.” Jill went on to give Sarah her full sexual history, who with, how many what positions, and even that she had been with a woman or two. Her relationship with her husband and how they were not only lovers but best friends, how they doted on each other and on their two kids and how once they realised that life was becoming stagnant they decided to enjoy life a little more on their own as well as with each other. The one rule was ‘No Secrets’.
Sarah listened intently, adding a question here and a question there. Finally she said, “I feel such an idiot, I have worked with you all these years and would never have guessed it was possible that you or anyone could live like that. If it was me I would be so riddled with guilt I would probably kill myself, or even worse take up religion.”
Jill laughed, “Well I hate to say this but I think you and I may be opposite ends of the same pole. Not everyone is like me, but I don’t know anyone else who looks at life through such a narrow window as you.”
“Well it’s too late now, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks can you?”
“I thought you already had changed. You’re not giving in to your husband anymore, that’s a start. How about your clothes?”
Sarah looked at her business outfit, “What do you mean my clothes?”
Jill gave a nervous laugh, “Well, how honest can I be?”
“I would have thought that was obvious, I have never spoken to anyone the way I have spoken to you today, not ever. I think it’s obvious that I am not happy the way I am and that I need to change, if that’s possible, but I don’t know what to change or even how to do it, or if I can. Just tell me, woman to woman.”
“Ok here goes, but don’t interrupt or I will chicken out. From what I can see you have a great figure, nice long legs gorgeous hair and underneath that stern attitude you do have a sense of humour and even fun. The clothes cover it all, hide it I suppose. They are dark, dowdy and totally unflattering, and I bet you wear granny knickers as well, don’t you?” Not sure if she had gone too far Jill sat in silence, waiting to get the sack. The wait seemed to last forever.
“I don’t even know what granny knickers are.” Sarah said with a laugh. “I dress for work I suppose, I’ve never even thought about having a nice figure, not really, I use the gym at home but usually because I am angry, which if I think about it is most of the time. So what can I do about it all?”
With a sigh of relief Jill asked, “How determined are you to change, how determined are you to open your eyes to the real world and what it has to offer. How far are you willing to go to change your life?”
“Hello ladies, can I get you a drink?” It was Ben.
Sarah flushed and said, “No thank you.” rather sternly.
“Yes you can.” Jill said and told him what they were both drinking.
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