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A month before the end of the school year, I started feeling sick. It lingered for over a week and I didn’t know where it came from. When I went through a second week of it and entered a third without it getting better, I began to worry. I told my mother, which in hindsight had not been the wisest thing but was the only option I thought I had at that point. Even before we made the appointment, she became upset. After receiving the diagnosis of my illness, the ride home was filled with her expressing her anger and disappointment with me. I was not surprised to find my father at home when we arrived and I was treated to his version of my mother’s words. I heard everything they had to say but was numb to the emotion behind it because of my own thoughts and feelings.
I was pregnant.
Due to a combination of biology and not being on the pill, I had never been regular. With the haze that accompanied sneaking around with Ryan, until the doctor said I was pregnant I hadn’t realized that over two months had passed since my last period. While there was no question in my mind who the father was, I was glad that the timing was such that I hadn’t been impregnated by Ryan during the weekend I spent with him after Spring Break. There would have been no way to avoid implicating him either as being the father or as being complicit in my sneaking around and having sex.
A large part of me was ecstatic about being pregnant with Ryan’s child. For everything that I had hoped to happen between us, having a child hadn’t been on my list. Even though we’d admitted our feelings for each other, I still didn’t know how he felt about our future. I was completely in love with him but a small part of me knew that we would never be able to have a life together as more than siblings. Yet, with this development, I would now have something besides memories and a last name to tie me to my brother forever. Even with the uncertainty of my future, I was happy to know that I would be the mother of his first child and he would be the father of mine.
With all of the emotions of the day, it wasn’t until I laid down for the night that I realized for the first time in my life, my parents had not called me down for dinner.
The next morning my drive to school with my mother was quiet and the air was filled with sadness and tension. When we arrived, I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and escape. The trip home after school was just as cold and, after hanging out in my room all evening, I again went to bed without being called to dinner.
Another day of silence between me and my parents followed. I avoided them and they ignored me. I didn’t know what to say to make it better but I also didn’t know if I could. Their anger was giving way to their disappointment and sadness and it was palpable in the house. Even Renee avoided me for fear of being implicated in something simply by her association with me though she didn’t know what was going on.
I went to school the next day with the same sense of disconnection from my mother. She didn’t look at me during the drive and turned her head away from me when I got out of the car. As I closed the door, I heard her sniffle with sorrow.
“Hey, look,” Tracy said as we walked out of the building that afternoon. “It’s your brother.”
Even before I focused on him, I was running toward the pickup area. I spotted Ryan walking quickly toward me with a hesitant look on his face and I ran into him full speed with both my body and emotions. Deep, heavy sobs wracked me as he wrapped me in his arms. Everything that I had been feeling over the past few days came out in a rush that I couldn’t control. The only thing I was aware of was my brother holding me, supporting me physically and emotionally.
Once I calmed, he kept an arm around my shoulders while he guided me to his car. Through my tear-blurred eyes I saw that the pickup line was empty except for a straggling mismatch of students and parents, all of whom purposely did not look in our direction. In the car, he held my hand securely as we drove away and I focused on it, letting his touch and presence ground me. When I finally looked up and out the window, I saw he was not taking me to the house but was driving toward his apartment. Though I had calmed significantly, my voice was still shaky when I spoke. “Where are you taking me?”
Splitting his focus between me and the road, he gave me another hesitant smile that was equal parts hope and sadness. “Home.”
“But isn’t this the way to your apartment?”
“Yeah. But before I get into that, is there something you want to tell me?”
In between his eyes cutting back to the road, I saw happiness and excitement in them and knew that he already knew. Despite that, tears began to stream down my face because I wasn’t sure what was about to happen. “I’m pregnant.”
Ryan took a deep breath. “I can’t tell you how happy I am. I’m just sorry you had to go through the past few days by yourself. But I’m here for you now. And I know you have options bursa otele gelen escort so whatever you decide—and I’ll help with that if you want me to—I will still be here for you, no matter what.”
My tears began to flow heavily. While I knew what he was referring to, I was both happy and sad that he had brought it up. Putting that aside, I repeated my question. “Why are you not taking me home?”
The sadness reappeared unrestrained on his face. “I am. I called Mom to ask her something yesterday and she unloaded on me. After I hung up with her, I checked with Gary to make sure it’d be cool then called Mom back and told her you were coming to live with me.”
“What?” I felt happy, sad, surprised, disappointed and a host of other things upon hearing him say that.
“They were hurt and disappointed and you know them well enough to know there was no way they were going to let you stay there much longer. They were already looking at places they could send you so no one would know you were pregnant. Living with me, you’ll be somewhere safe so they won’t have to worry and if they ever want, they can come visit or at the very least ask me how you’re doing. After you graduate, you’re on your own. They’re not going to pull you out of school or stop paying so your classmates won’t find out unless you tell them, though they still haven’t figured out what to tell people when you stop going to church, which they expect you to do in your ‘condition.'” He mimicked our mother’s inflection perfectly.
He continued, “You know my place is not perfect and it’s going to be cramped, but it’s what we have to do. At least for now. If you want to go somewhere else later, that’s your choice but,” he gave me tentative smile, “I hope you won’t want to.”
Not knowing what to say, I squeezed his hand and turned my head to hide my face.
“When I told you that I loved you and that I would take care of you I meant it, Rach. And for as long as you let me, I’m going to be right by your side. I love you. And I love our baby.”
My tears didn’t break the silence in the car. Even though I was still hurting, for the first time in days I was starting to feel okay.
When we arrived at the apartment, we went straight to his, now our, room. There were boxes and bags of my belongings filling most of the available floor space.
“Sorry it’s a mess. I have to go back tomorrow to get the rest. By this weekend, I’ll have a larger dresser in here for us to share. Hey,” he wiped my renewed tears away with his thumbs then pulled me close again. “None of that. Unless they’re happy tears.”
“They are mostly,” I said weakly.
—
“You’re living with your brother now? That’s so cool but why?”
Tracy was my best friend and I hated that I couldn’t tell her about what was going on. Not because I had been prohibited from sharing it, but because I knew that it was not something that my parents wanted to get out. It would also easily get me kicked out of my religious school even this close to the end of the year, and despite the wedge it had put between me and my parents, I didn’t want them to have to deal with the questions and looks from the other parents and members of our church.
“I can’t tell you yet,” I said quietly. “Someday I will, but not yet.”
“Okay. But can I come over sometime to hang out with you?”
“Of course.”
And with that, we were off on other topics of conversation. For as much as Tracy and I liked to talk, she also knew when to drop a subject. For the past week, she had been a rock for me and until now, it was the first time she had brought up the obvious trouble I had been going through.
—
Stepping out of the en suite bathroom, I was taken by the sight of my brother lying on what was now our bed. His long body stretched nearly the entire length of the mattress, leaving mere inches above his head and below his feet. His twenty-six-year-old face was slack in sleep with his regular breathing coming through his partially opened thin lips. Enhancing his angular face was two days of light brown growth covering his jaw line. The sheet rested just below his belly button exposing his tight, lightly rippled torso. As if he had been posed for a photo shoot, one of his lightly furred legs was freed from under the covers and bent slightly at the knee. At the end of the limb, barely resting on the mattress, was his large foot. I knew little about art but recognized the study in masculinity that rested on the bed.
It was now nearly three weeks since I had moved in and the man that I was staring at was not the sibling I had known for most of my life. In the time that I had been there, Ryan had picked up extra shifts at work in order to make some more money for us while looking for a better job. The ridiculously long pinky nails were shortened but, unlike his rat tail, were not completely gone. He had stopped smoking and even purchased some newer, professional looking clothes bursa eve gelen eskort for his interviews.
As I stood there looking at him, I realized the changes taking place were just a part of my brother’s evolution that had started with my birthday. When he penetrated me for the first time, I was well aware that I was one of at least ten women he had sex with regularaly, not including his girlfriend. By the time the New Year rolled around, I knew it was down to just me, his girlfriend, and a few others. I had been surprised when I found out that he had dumped her for me but, in hindsight, it all made sense. For better or worse we both had wanted this and as a man of his word he was doing everything he could to take care of me without complaint. He was even emotionally supportive in a way that I had not expected. Ryan never made me feel bad for the random fits of crying that escaped me. Instead, he held me and whispered words that encouraged and helped me through those moments.
“Stop staring and get your ass back in bed.”
Even through Ryan’s thick, slurred speech from being half-awake, I could hear the slight amusement in his voice. I did as ordered and got back into bed. Before my body was completely flat on the mattress, he slung an arm around me and pulled me close to snuggle. A light kiss was pressed not quite on my neck or my shoulder and I soon felt his body go limp as sleep reclaimed him. His exhalations were warm and regular as they flowed across my neck and the steady rhythm and his presence helped pull me back to sleep.
—
I woke up and almost immediately felt different. Nothing substantive had changed between going to sleep and waking up, but I knew I wasn’t the same. I was not quite happy, but I was closer than I had been in weeks. With the steady presence of my brother, along with help from Gary and even Tracy, I was getting accustomed to my new normal. And it was shaping up to be good.
Ryan had gotten a new job in a call center. It wasn’t glamourous but the hours were regular and the pay was significantly better than what he had been making before. I wished I could get even a part-time job to help out, but school prevented that until after graduation.
I stretched my body and debated actually climbing out of bed or staying where I was. The decision was made for me as Ryan flung an arm over me and kissed my neck.
“G’ mor’g.” His greeting couldn’t even classify as speech.
“Morning.” I pressed back against him to spoon as I often did for the first few minutes of wakefulness. As usual, I felt his bladder-swollen cock press against my backside. It had now been over a month since we’d had sex but he never mentioned the subject. And other than the morning erections that had nothing to do with arousal, I never saw any indication that he was in need. Yet, unlike before Spring Break, I knew instinctively that there was no one else taking care of him.
Feeling the warmth of his body around me and his hardness flexing and twitching as it begged him to relieve his bladder, I began to feel a pleasant warmth and tightness build within me that I had not felt in weeks. I wasn’t sure how this was going to play out, but I knew what I wanted to do.
I rolled over to face him and pressed a light kiss to his lips while I pushed a hand between us. I slid my hand under the waistband of his boxers and the movement of the elastic was just enough to cause his dick to free itself. Even though it looked as hard as I’ve ever known it to be, the weight of his dick caused the tip to rest on the bed. At the same time, I used my other hand and legs to pull off my underwear then rolled us so I was on top of him.
Ryan didn’t open an eye as he asked, “Whacha doin’?”
I gathered some spit in my hand then used it to lube his dick. “Something we haven’t done in weeks.”
Nothing more was said as I lined him up and sat back on his cock. I bit my lips and let out soft groans against the discomfort as I allowed gravity to guide my body down his length. Even though his was the only dick that had ever been inside me, my lack of arousal and nonexistent wetness combined with the length of time since we last had sex made it feel like he was entering me for the first time. At one point, I pulled off and spit lubed him again before I was able to rest my weight on his lap. Without rising off him, I rotated my hips against him both for some stimulation and in hopes that the movement would help to stretch the walls of my pussy.
Ryan inhaled and let out a deep breath as he slowly gave a shallow thrust against me. He still didn’t open his eyes and kept his head turned to the side as he moved his hands to my waist. “You can’t be late for school.”
“I know. But it’s been so long.”
Even as he thrust up into me again, he said, “And we can wait a bit longer. At least until we’re both home tonight.”
I easily matched his sleepy rhythm and pressed down on him when he pushed up. “You bayan escort bursa don’t really want to do that do you?”
He opened his eyes and rolled them. “Of course I don’t want to stop. But I told Mom and Dad that since they paid for the year, I’d make sure to get you to school on time. And you know with the mood they’re in, even one infraction and they’ll have you kicked out and make sure you don’t graduate.”
“I know you’re right, but this feels so good.” I stretched out the last word and turned it into a moan.
Ryan gave me an unimpressed look. “You know I can tell when you’re faking it, right? A nd that wasn’t even a good try.”
“That moan might have been fake but I promise you it really does feel good.”
“I don’t doubt that it does. What I’m saying is we don’t have time for this.”
I pulled off my t-shirt then leaned down to whisper into his ear, “We will if you stop talking and fuck me.”
Ryan’s eyes went wide. It was a mix of shock and arousal. I didn’t often curse so he was unaccustomed to hearing me use the f-word. With a grunt of exertion, he rolled us over so he was on top. After situating himself, he began to thrust hard and fast into me.
“Oh, that’s it.” My moans were no longer fake and they stuttered in time to his pounding against my hips. “Oh, Ryan. Harder.”
My eyes fluttered open and closed of their own accord as pleasure took over my body. Each time I opened them, I saw my brother staring down at me. His jaw was set and his lips peeled back making him look like an animal in his rut. Even over the sound of our flesh slapping together I could hear his breath hissing between his teeth.
We’d had a few quick, hard fuck sessions in the past but they didn’t compare to this. It was dirty and unrestrained. For the first time we didn’t have to hide what we were doing. Sure we had often been alone in our parents’ house or here at the apartment but there was always one ear trained on sounds around us to make sure we weren’t discovered. Though Gary was probably still trying to sleep, our sounds of pleasure were loud in the morning air. Ryan grunted and growled while I moaned and squealed. There was nothing tender about the act but at the same time it was an expression of our love for each other that previously had been restrained.
When the time finally came, he filled me with a roar as his hips continued to slam against me. With his slick dick still moving rapidly, he pounded my orgasm out of me and I screamed with the release. We continued to writhe against each other as we worked through our bliss until my alarm sounded indicating the last possible moment I could get out of bed without being late.
“Okay, get in the shower,” Ryan said as he pulled out of me. He rolled onto his side to face me then, using his hands and feet, he unceremoniously pushed me out of the bed.
Unprepared for that, I fell to the floor in a heap. “Jerk!”
His voice was unapologetic and authoritative. “Be mad later. Get in the fucking shower.”
In a huff, I stomped into the bathroom and quickly washed. I heard him come in to finally empty his bladder. While he did, he tried to engage me in some light conversation but I was not in the mood after literally being kicked out of bed. When I got out, he was not in the room but had my uniform and undergarments laid out so I could dress. Once ready, I left the room and saw he was standing next to the front door in shorts and a t-shirt with my backpack and two granola bars ready for me.
He gave me a quick kiss on the lips as he opened the door. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you out of the bed like that, but you really needed to get ready.”
“It’s fine,” I said with an annoyed tone. As his younger sister, I couldn’t help giving him the attitude even though I knew he didn’t deserve it. It was something I’d have to work on. “You were right.”
“Then why are you acting like a bitch?”
I took a breath and waited to answer until we were in the car. “I don’t know. Maybe because you were right and I was wrong. Maybe because I’m still horny and would rather still be in bed with you. I really don’t know.”
Ryan laughed. “Well that’s clear as mud.”
“Shut up.”
Before pulling out of the parking spot, he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. We were silent as he navigated the parking lot then pulled out into traffic. Though we probably would have made it in time, he drove slightly above the speed limit to make sure there would be no chance of me being late.
“I’ll be here a little late to get you after school,” he said as he entered the school’s drop off area. “I have another interview. Shouldn’t be more than half an hour, hopefully less.”
“Okay.”
“And when we get home I’m going to take care of that horniness that seems to be putting you in a mood. If necessary, I’ll spend all night fucking it out of you.”
There was something about his delivery that shot his words straight to my pussy and I couldn’t help the surprised squeak of arousal that came out of my mouth. It didn’t help that his face had a look on it that indicated he would follow through on his promise whether I wanted him to or not. It was a look that a brother should never direct at his sister but would be at home in bed between two lovers. It made me wish I were climbing back into bed with him instead of out of the car.
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