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CARPE DIEM

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Alex Bishop

CARPE DIEMHi. I haven’t written in a while. I didn’t know where this was going to go but I wanted to write something a little relatable to me with a little twist. This is quite personal so please be kind.Hope you all like it.My heels clipped along the concrete pathway as I walked towards the glistening river. Everything was so quiet and serene- a complete contrast to the mayhem that was going on inside the club. My ears continued to hum as I sat down on the river-bank, taking a swig from my large glass of wine. I let my eyes focus on the soft ripples of the moon-lit water, almost falling into some sort of blissful trance as I inhaled the cool, midnight air and shut off my mind. Things had been hard this past year. I’d lost my job; a close friend in a tragic accident; and my boyfriend of three years. But instead of focusing on getting my life back on track, I’d hurled myself into an endless path of self-destruction, which often ended up with me waking up in my flat in the morning with no recollection of the night before, and feeling like utter shit.The alcohol streamed around my body; mind hazy and skin warm.“Mind if I join you?” A deep, gravelled voice spoke out of nowhere.I could feel that he was near; right behind me, in fact. Before I had a chance to respond, his body slumped down next to mine, swinging his legs over the edge of the bank. He smelt of a mixture of subtle cologne and cigarettes. It was somewhat comforting. Turning my head to the left, I finally took his appearance in; his gaze set firmly on the scene in front as he took a long, concentrated drag from the cigarette between his fingers. His jawline was out of this world; sculpted perfectly around his face, which harboured some of the most mesmerising features I’d ever seen. His eyes were an unusual shade of green and his lips were a light shade of pink, wrapped tightly around the end of his cigarette. I watched his cheekbones sink inwards as he took another drag, and it was only then that I noticed it wasn’t a cigarette that he was smoking. He must have noticed me looking, because he held the skilfully rolled d**g out to his side, silently offering it to me. I eyed his long fingers up and down, unavoidably imagining them inside of me as I took it from him without hesitation. The right corner of his mouth etched upwards as he continued to refuse my eyes the contact with his that they desired, and he exhaled deeply as I took a drag. The effects hit me fast, quickly pumping around my blood stream until each of my nerve-endings felt numb. I shut my eyes once more, passing it back to him; his rough fingers grazing mine.“Any reason you’re out here by yourself?” he finally spoke; his words smothered by a thick exhalation of smoke.I kept silent for a moment, before opening my eyes and lifting my head to face him. His hair was a mess atop his head; red strands of his hair falling wildly in all directions. It looked as if it hadn’t been brushed in weeks, but it still looked incredible. It suited the sultry expression on his face; and the white vest that was hanging from his chest beneath the cheque shirt that he had on.“Life” I shrugged, before laughing.He turned his face towards me for the first time and grinned at me, before lifting his hand from his side and pressing the remainder of the joint to my lips; watching me intently as I furrowed my brow and took the final drag. Pulling it from my lips, he stumped it to the cool concrete below.“Life’s overrated” he said flippantly, before meeting my gaze once more.Our eyes remained fixed for what felt like an eternity, carefully studying the other silently.“Ed, by the way” he smirked, holding his hand out to me.I took a sip of my wine, before linking my hand with his.“Zoe.”His smirk quickly widened to a grin as our touch lingered; my heart racing at his mere presence.“Well Zoe, how about we take advantage of ‘life’” he said, getting to his feet and pulling me up with him.The mischievous look on his face had me enchanted- a weird magnetism drawing me in- and I already knew that he was like no boy I’d ever met- or ever would meet. I took another gulp from my glass before placing it on the bench and smirking at him.“Let’s.”~~~ “Ed, are we seriously drinking champagne on the streets of London?” I laughed, grabbing the bottle from his hand and swigging the expensive liquid down my throat.He laughed back at me as he lit another joint that he’d rolled, quickly lighting the end and pressing it between his lips.“Come here” he grinned, beckoning me over to sit down on the ground next to him.I instantly obeyed; my intoxicated body falling to the grass next to him. I suddenly noticed the glow of the millennium wheel in the distance, the entire city skyline painted a soft orange.Ed took a deep drag, before leaning over towards me and pressing his lips to mine. I willingly parted them, allowing him to blow the smoke from his mouth to my own; lips lingering for longer than necessary. I tumbled backwards to the floor giggling as the harsh smoke filled my lungs, feeling him quickly join me at my side.“Life’s not so bad” he mumbled between drags, brushing his palm over mine.I kept my eyes shut, running my fingers along his, enjoying the warm contact that I’d so missed. My head was spinning, but I still knew what I was doing. I knew what I was doing when I linked my fingers with his; when I turned my body to face him; when I pulled his hands around my waist.There was something about Ed that I couldn’t quite place. All I knew was that I wanted him.Our eyes met; lids heavy and whites bloodshot. Still, this had no impact on konak escort the desires whirring through us as our bodies shuffled closer. His hot, alcohol and cigarette tainted breath washed over my face as my eyelids fluttered shut; waiting for him to give me what I desperately wanted from him.It seemed to take forever for his lips to meet mine; for the soft, moist skin to brush my own. He was gentle- careful almost. It wasn’t hard to tell that deep down he was just as fragile and damaged as I was. Our kiss gradually deepened; tongues working one another softly as our hands explored each other’s bodies. Tugging on the band of his black skinny jeans, I pulled him on top of me, letting his hips slot between my thighs.“Can you feel that?” he mumbled against my lips as he ground his hips against mine. “That’s how much I want to fuck you.”My heart pounded and crotch ached in response to his words and the movement of his body against my own, letting out a strangled moan as his hard cock rubbed against me through his jeans.“Do it then” I goaded him, grinding my hips upwards against him. “I want you to fuck me, Ed.”He smirked down at me, raising his eyebrow somewhat wickedly.“Not here, though” he said as he slid his fingers beneath my black lace dress, teasing the tops of my thighs.“Where then?”“Let’s go back to my tour bus. It’s only down the road.”I looked at him questioningly, not sure whether he was joking or not.“What? Are you in a band or something?” I laughed.But the only response I had gotten was a sly smirk.“It’s not all parties and money, y’know. It’s hard…” He said after a while, his voice trailed off as he turned his cheek from me, walking towards the path on which we’d come here by.“Tell me then…” I said softly, touching his arm as I ran to catch up with him.He stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. For the first time this night, his confident exterior was no longer present; merely vulnerable eyes amidst a broken expression.“I’ll never be what they need me to be. This isn’t even the music I enjoy… It just sort of… happened. I got lucky. And I can’t help but feel like a fraud… To myself as well as the fans.”He twisted his mouth from side to side; eyes refusing to meet mine. “There’s so much pressure. I just don’t really know who I am anymore…” My heart ached, and I didn’t even know him or his life. But the way he said it was enough to know that he was desperately unhappy.“I guess I drink and smoke shit ‘cause it calms me down… helps me forget things.”He forced a smile at me, before turning his back and continuing to walk.“I get that, Ed. I do. But you’re you, and this is your life. As cliché as this will sound, it’s yours to dictate and change. No one else is living it.”I was giving Ed the advice that I desperately needed to hear and take myself.“I guess everyone’s a bit fucked up, deep down” he laughed, tilting his head back as he drained the last remnants of champagne from the bottle. “But let’s not talk about this now” he grinned, running his fingers through his hair.I walked towards him, running my hands up his firm chest until they rested on his shoulders, before placing a soft kiss on his lips. It soon became much more impassioned; giggling as we stumbled around, waltzing aimlessly along the pavement until we were forced to break contact to actually see where we were going.~~~“Well, this is it” Ed laughed, gesturing at the enormous red bus parked on the side of the road.I smirked at him, tugging at his blazer as I pulled him forcefully towards me until my back was up against the side of the bus. He hitched my leg around his waist, pressing his crotch roughly into mine beneath my dress; breathing rapid.“We need to be quiet” he muttered breathlessly into my lips, massaging my bum, groaning loudly as I palmed his erection through his jeans.“Quiet” I smirked into his lips, continuing the delicate movement of my hand.He stepped back from me, before taking a set of keys from his pocket and fitting it into the lock at the side-door. I followed him in, tip-toeing as my eyes scanned the dark bus; shapes and outlines subtly silhouetted by the soft street lighting. Ed walked to the back of the bus, pulling a curtain back to reveal his small bedroom compartment. He turned his head back over his shoulder, grinning as he slipped his shoes off and sat down; eyes fixed. I walked over to him slowly, kicking my heels from my feet just before his body. Grabbing the lower hem of my dress, I pulled it over my head, exposing my braless body to his dilated pupils. Our eyes penetrated one another deeply as I took another step forward and pushed his shirt from his shoulders, followed by his vest top. His body was everything I expected and more; tanned, sculpted, and parading the most incredible collar bones across the expanse of his chest; begging to be toyed with. The skin behind them dipped in as he took a deep breath. He knew that I was mentally fucking him there and then, just as he was me.Keeping his gaze, I dropped to my knees, smirking up at him from below. He watched me intently as I began unbuckling his belt, whipping it from the loops of his jeans. His thumb stroked my jaw as I popped his top button open and unzipped his jeans, before he raised his hips slightly and I pulled them past his thighs and from his ankles, massaging my palms along the innards of his thighs as I eyed his constrained length up and down. Kissing his thighs, I traced the outline of his cock with my fingers, before teasing the elastic of his black CK’s from his hips and letting his shaft free. It stood proudly konak escort bayan against his stomach; perfectly defined before my eyes; his size somewhat daunting.I dragged my tongue from base to tip for what felt like an endless journey; tracing each ridge of his shaft; tasting every inch. He hissed above me as I teased the head of his cock, swirling my tongue around it, before sliding my lips back down the underside of his length. Focusing my attention back to the very tip, I used my hand to work his shaft up and down; the skin was warm and soft against my palm as I watched him in awe, growing even more so in my hand. The combination of my fingers and tongue was driving him into a hot, breathless frenzy above me; abs and thighs tense.Before I knew it, his hands had hauled me from the floor and had me pinned to the bed beneath him. He yanked the curtain shut, before smirking and raising his eyebrows at me. It was cramped to say the least, giving our bodies no other option but to press closely against one another. His mouth immediately found my nipples, sucking on them as I wound my fingers through his thick red hair. His hand met my crotch, rubbing his palm over my lace knickers as his mouth explored my breasts and neck.Pushing my underwear down my thighs, I shuddered at the sudden contact from him sliding his cool fingers between my legs, before he pushed the very tip of his middle finger inside of me; his breathing deepening as he felt how wet I was. I sighed with relief as he gave me the full satisfaction of its whole length; the ridges of his knuckles and firm curvature against my g-spot making my toes curl. I clawed the duvet tightly between my fingers as he pushed another finger in, rocking my hips into his touch.He accelerated his speed whilst holding his thumb securely against my clit; allowing my hips to buck against him on their own accord. My thighs trembled as I clutched on to his arm, before he slowly came to a halt and brought his knee over my waist.“Do you want me to fuck you, Zoe, hmm? Do you want me inside of you?”His face was just inches from mine as he spoke, grinding his length along my clit.“Make me come, Ed” I smirked, grabbing his hips and pulling him close.I brought my thighs up either side of his waist, brushing my hands up and down his strained biceps as he began pushing himself inside of me.“Ed… S-stop…” I whimpered, pushing my palms against his hips.“What’s wrong?” he said worriedly, pausing momentarily.I smiled up at him, pushing his loose curls from his face. “Nothing, you’re just big” I laughed, trying to relax as much as possible.He smiled back at me, withdrawing completely, before bowing his head to mine and kissing me. His fingers slipped between us, circling my clit softly as he tried to get me as ready as possible for him. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more turned on, his mouth began planting wet kisses down my body until he reached the insides of my thighs.“Ed” I moaned breathlessly as his warm tongue glided along my centre, arching my back and throwing my head back into the pillow, grabbing handfuls of his hair in a desperate attempt to have him closer. He flicked his tongue back and forth over my clit, sucking on it every now and again, sending waves of euphoria to the very tips of my fingers and toes. He looked up at me from beneath my thighs, smirking as he took one last lick.He paused for a moment, and it was then that I knew what he’d seen. He ran his thumb along the top of my thigh and over the raised lines of skin; most no longer dark and raised, but worn and faded.“Ed, please don’t” I mumbled feebly, feeling tears prick my eyes as I felt more exposed than ever as he took in my damaged skin; painful memories buried beneath the surface of each mark.“It’s okay” he said softly, coming up from his position until our faces were level once more.He stroked my cheek; his length resting just below my navel. Looking deeply into my eyes, he positioned himself and tried once more. I sucked in air sharply as he filled me more than any other man had done before, until the majority of his length was resting inside of me.“Does that feel okay?” he whispered as he slowly began moving back and forth slightly.I nodded, digging my fingertips into his shoulder blade as unexplainable pleasures began to flow throughout my body. Each movement was slow and deep, making sure that the majority of his length moved within me. I shut my eyes tightly, focusing on his lips as he kissed me. The feeling of him inside of me was overwhelming; I almost felt as if my body was paralysed against him. I let out a load moan as he gave me a particularly deep thrust… and again… and again.“I know it’s hard, but please try” he mumbled against my lips, before pressing his index finger to them. I sucked on it desperately to suppress the unbearable need to scream out, holding on tightly to his arse as it flexed beneath my palms.“Turn over for me, baby” he whispered softly into my ear, before kissing my neck delicately as he pulled out. I got to me knees, glancing over my shoulder as his dark eyes explored my body; cock standing readily away from his body.“Jesus…” he smirked, holding his length in his hand.As he placed his palms either side of me, I couldn’t help but notice that his right middle fingers were still wet from where he’d been inside of me. The span of his hands was something quite extraordinary; something that I knew would come in useful later on when holding my hips down as he made me come. I took a moment to scan the countless bands up his wrist- from festivals escort konak to obvious meaningful gifts from fans- and at that moment I got an insight into a small selection of good memories from his past; times that would never be forgotten. I ran my fingers over the bands, somehow making me feel more connected to him than I did before. It was then that I noticed the scars- almost in perfect lines- s**ttered up the inside of his wrist; only about 5 or 6, but each deep enough to leave a permanent reminder. I kept quiet, knowing how vulnerable he’d feel if he knew I’d seen. They were his, and they were private- just like mine. ’I guess everyone’s a bit fucked up, deep down.’ He positioned himself behind me before rolling his hips forwards, forcing his hips against the back of my own until my pelvis connected with the duvet and my entire body was flat against it and resting on my forearms, with him fully inside of me.He reached such unimaginable depths on each penetration that I thought I might scream. My legs quaked on each slow, hard thrust; lips pressed desperately into the pillow to keep me quiet.“Good?” he exhaled heavily, pressing his chest to my back and kicking my legs apart even further.I squeezed each of his hands which were at the side of my head, letting out a muffled moan in response. “’Cause I don’t think fucking anyone has ever felt this good.”I whimpered as he pulled himself from me, before twisting my hips so that we were face to face again. I dropped my eyes between our bodies as I watched his cock disappear back into me slowly; hips rocking back and forth gently as he eased himself in. “You’re so fucking overwhelmingly beautiful.”He pinned his clammy forehead to mine; his breath hot and shuddery as it slipped from his parted lips; hips grinding furiously against my own. One hand supported his weight above me, whilst the other held my waist down; fingertips digging roughly into my skin as I instinctively raised my hips, urging him as deep as possible.“Ed, you’re going to make me come” I whined breathlessly, tightening my legs around his waist.“That’s the idea, isn’t it?” He laughed between pants, picking up his pace considerably. “Just bite my shoulder if you need to.”I quickly acted upon his words; sucking furiously on the taut, sweaty skin across his shoulder as my climax began to rise from the pit of my stomach. He buried his damp curls into the crook of my neck, keeping his pace fast and deep. My toes tingled as my entire body began to tremble; waves of intense pleasure washing through me repeatedly until it all became too much and I let it take over.“Fuck, ugh” Ed groaned as I tightened around him, his length rubbing relentlessly against my worked up g-spot.His hand disappeared between our hot bodies before my orgasm had even finished and he began rubbing his thumb firmly over my clit. Teamed with his cock inside of me, I came around him for the second time that night, moaning his name into his chest as my fingers gripped onto his tense biceps.I watched him as his high neared; taking in every little detail of his face and body. The way his arms and shoulders tensed beneath his dewy skin; the way his hips crashed down on mine; the way the veins in his neck surfaced furiously as he panted above me; the way sweat trickled down his temples, curls laden against his forehead. As his eyes began to flutter shut and groans became more frequent and strained, I knew he was almost there. His teeth sank into his bottom lip as his entire body began to shudder; head tilted backwards as his hips moved erratically. Pulling from me, he took his shaft in his hand, working it for a few seconds before his breath hitched in his throat and he shot his hot liquid all over my stomach and chest; lips parted and brow furrowed. I lay there breathless and trembling, completely mesmerised by the hot mess above me. His hand came to a halt once he’d given everything he had, and his eyes slowly opened, before bowing his head to mine and kissing me.I ran my hands over his hot, sweaty back, before winding one gently in his hair, and sliding the other between us to softly caress his softening length; lips still connected.He eventually pulled away; a lazy grin spread across his flushed face. I grinned back at him, before he leant to the side and slipped his boxers on.“I need a fag” he laughed, throwing me a t-shirt that was strewn on the end of his bed.I slipped the t-shirt on and followed him as he walked quietly to the door we’d come in, admiring his boxer-clad body from behind.“Stop staring at my arse” he whispered playfully without even turning to face me.I smirked to myself as we exited the bus, sitting on the kerb that it was parked on.He grabbed a cigarette from the tin in his hand, placing it between his lips as he lit it.“You’re shaking…” He exhaled and turned to face me, handing me the cigarette. “Your fault” he laughed.I grinned, running my palm along his bare thigh, letting the soft hairs tickly my skin.“Tonight was fun” he spoke.I looked at him from behind a cloud of smoke as he placed his hand on mine; the smoke quickly vanishing into the night air. It really had been. More so than any other time I could remember. I studied his eyes; unavoidably letting mine roam across the naked expanse of his body which had been pressed up against me only minutes ago.“When’s your next show?”“Tomorrow evening.”I thought for a moment, the same idea bouncing back and forth in my mind.“This might sound a little forward, but you can stay at mine if you like. Just y’know… talk and stu-““I’d like that” he quickly interrupted, taking another drag.There really was something about Ed. Something so hauntingly enchanting that I felt more complete than I had in a long while. Maybe tonight would be the start of something amazing… Maybe not. All I knew was that I wanted to be near him right now.Carpe diem.

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