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I knelt before the altar of my Goddess and namesake, Sila. Those who have seen her image frequently say she is ugly as she squats with her legs spread wide and the fingers of her hands opening the lips of her labia majora to expose the lips of her labia minora and the depths beyond.
To me she has a mysterious beauty and although she had been claimed as the Goddess of diverse things, and some even claim she is no Goddess at all, for me she is the Goddess of fecundity.
I hear her speaking to me in the sighing of the wind in the trees, I read her in the flight of the birds and in the silences of a still night when the moon is full and high, and in the love of my son whom she had granted me, and I hear her when I pray before her.
I was seventeen when I first saw her. It was at a church bazaar on what they called “The White Elephant Stall.” I did not even know who she was, but felt urged to buy her for the fifty cents that was being asked for her.
The woman running the stall, and who apparently was disposing of the little figurine, grinned and said to me, “You know who she is, don’t you?”
“No,” I replied.
The woman laughed. “She is Sila, a fertility Goddess; a young girl like you should be careful having her around.”
I laughed also, thinking the woman was joking because my name is Sila. It took a little time for me to realise that it had been no joke.
At first I set Sila on an unoccupied space of my book shelves. For several days I took little notice of her except to wonder why I had bought such and unsightly object. It was late one evening as I wrestled with a tutorial paper I was to present the next day that she caught my attention again.
For a moment she seemed to glow and smile at me. Just as I had not known why I bought her, I did not know why at that moment I rose and went to the window. I pulled aside the curtains and looked out, and there, high above, was the full moon.
A voice seemed to say, “Be my servant and I shall be your Goddess. Serve me and I shall fill your life with good things.”
This voice that seemed to come from nowhere frightened me, but it went on, “Fear not, I led you to acquire me, now learn what I can do for you.”
I knew then who it was that addressed me. I turned from the window and looked at Sila. The voice went on, “Listen for me in the sounds of nature, look for me when the moon is full, call upon me and I will hear and answer you, be mine and I shall be yours.”
“What do you want of me?” I asked.
The little figurine seemed to smile and say, “Be fecund for me, bring forth the child I cannot bear myself.”
Shocked, I replied, “But I am unmarried and too young to bear a child, and to have a child now will ruin my life.”
“I have said, I shall fill your life with good things, and so it shall be if you serve me as I ask.”
“But there is no man in my life,” I protested.
I thought I caught the sound of laughter, and then, “You are young, fertile and very beautiful. I shall give you the man. Let him fertilise you and my gift to you will be that of endless spring. Your beauty will remain until the day I take you to myself for all eternity.”
“But how…when…?” I stuttered.
“Be at peace, you will know how and when in due season. But you may still choose, but bring forth a child for me and this will be the sign that you are my true worshipper and follower. But mark this; once you have brought forth you will dedicate the child to me, and thereafter remain chaste until the time I shall choose. I shall ease the pains of your deprivation with many of life’s good things.”
“But how do I know you speak true, how do I know that I am and not imagining this?” I asked.
There was no answer.
* * * * * * * *
Answer, if that is what it was, came a few days later. Over those few days something strange happened to me. I had never been highly motivated sexually, my energies being taken up with my studies. I had one and only one sexual experience at high school, and it had been painful and messy.
Now I found myself to be almost constantly sexually aroused.
Precise details of what happened are unnecessary at this point. Let it suffice to say that a very handsome and personable young man came briefly into my life. I cannot say I was in love with him, but I lusted for him.
One night in my flat we stripped ourselves naked, and in the manner of my Goddess I opened my legs wide, pulling aside the outer lips of my pudenda I exposed my inner lips to him. He came over me, penetrating my vaginal canal, and poured olgun porno his seed into me.
That done I wanted him no more; he begged me to let him spend the night with me, but I refused. He had served his purpose and I no longer needed his services. He left angry and frustrated — such is the way of men when they cannot get what they want of a woman.
After he was gone I looked at my Goddess and said, “See, I have done your will.”
She seemed to smile and the voice said, “And you shall have my promised rewards. Now make an altar for me where we can commune.”
The next day I ordered an altar to be made from the wood sacred to the ancient Druids, that of the oak tree. When made I covered it with the colour of nature in green velvet. As I placed my Goddess reverently upon it I said, “From this day forward I am your servant, and you shall be my deity.”
The Goddess seemed to smile, but no voice came.
* * * * * * * *
I had thought that pregnancy would disrupt my studies, but instead I found myself to have a new intellectual and physical energy. In due time I gave birth to a beautiful boy child; this, despite his beauty, I must confess came as a surprise because for whatever reason I had expected a girl child, this seeming to be more appropriate for my Goddess.
A man, where woman is concerned, serves only one purpose, to fertilise her so that she can bring forth life.
Kneeling before her altar I consulted the Goddess about my concern over having given birth to a man child.
She glowed for a moment and the voice said, “Sila, I have ordained it to be so. He is your destiny, and you are his, and in the fullness of time you shall know my will for both of you. Name him Sean, love and cherish him and he will in turn love and cherish you. Now be at peace and enjoy the gifts I shall grant both of you. But this I command; you shall remain chaste until I release you from that bondage.”
Comforted by the Goddess’ words, I bonded with Sean, at first suckling him at my breasts, then comforting and encouraging him, and delighting in his growth towards manhood.
Over the following years doors that I had always thought would be closed to me, seemed to open effortlessly before me. I specialised in genetics and opened a number of new fields in that science. Awards came my way and international fame.
I sometimes wondered how my colleagues would feel if they knew that my success derived from my allegiance to the Goddess.
As Sean grew towards manhood he too seemed to evince a high level of intelligence, and had inherited his father’s good looks. Strangely he never asked me about his father; it was as if I was sufficient for him.
I had not really believed the Goddess when she told me that among her gifts to me would be that of endless spring and that my beauty would remain until the day she took me to herself for all eternity.
As over the years I observed myself in the mirror I began to realise that she had kept her promise. My breasts were as firm as when I was a teenager, my skin and face that of a young girl, and my hair, without undue attention, black, abundant and lustrous.
This was reinforced by colleagues who questioned what they saw as my youthful appearance. They wanted to know what creams I used, and had a discovered something that delayed the onset of age.
I told them that it was genetic, but one lunch time when they were still pressing me for my secret, I laughingly told them that they should find themselves a Goddess. They thought I was joking and I got a storm of laughter in return.
I wondered what they would say if I told them I prayed to my Goddess and at times heard her voice.
At the risk of being accused of sexual frigidity I must state that after my sexual experience with the man who had fathered Sean on me, I had no further desire for sexual congress. Sean, my work and career seemed to provide me with a fulfilled life, and although many offers for a sexual relationship, whether explicit or implied, came my way, I had no interest in taking them up.
Noticing that the people around me seemed to put great store by sexual satisfaction, I once asked the Goddess about my lack of libido.
I prayed before her altar every day, and although she rarely spoke to me, on the occasion of asking her about my lack of sexual appetite, she did answer.
“When the time is right you will feel sexual desire so powerful that it will be irresistible. Then you will serve me again.”
* * * * * * * *
Sean of course knew about my dedication to the outdoor sex Goddess and that at times I heard her voice; at my request he told no one about it. At the age of twelve he became increasingly interested in my devotion, and asked if he might join me in my prayers.
I had assumed that the Goddess only required female devotees, but on asking her she replied, “Sean is your destiny, you are his destiny, therefore he may become your acolyte, attending you in your devotions. If he proves faithful he may one day become my son, as you are my daughter.”
And so Sean joined me in my veneration of the Goddess, although for a long time he did not hear her voice.
As Sean passed through the early stages of puberty and beyond, one thing began to trouble me. Unlike his contemporaries, but rather like me, he showed no sexual interest in the opposite gender, or even the same gender for that matter. While others of his generation seemed to copulate freely, he held himself aloof.
One day when Sean was absent I confided my puzzlement over this to the Goddess.
“You are troubled by his chastity, Sila?” she asked.
“Yes, when so many others of his age are enjoying each others’ bodies,” I replied.
“It is a wise question you have asked, Sila,” the Goddess replied, “and it will be as well he is prepared for the task I have for him. Say nothing, and ask no questions. I will prepare one of my daughters to receive him.”
“You mean he will meet someone and fall in love with her?”
There was a soft laugh, and she said, “He will desire her, and from her he will learn the delights of a woman’s body, but not in all its fullness.” “Will she fall in love with him, and if she does will it be fair to her?”
Again the soft laughter, “You are very tender, Sila, but no. Like you she is my daughter and servant, and seeks only to serve me faithfully. She will enjoy him for a time, but she will know that his destiny is not to remain with her.”
“What is his destiny?” I asked, but she made no reply.
Soon after that Sean spent less time with me than formally and sometimes he was away for several nights. As commanded by the Goddess I asked no questions, but I knew that he was enjoying the body of a woman.
* * * * * * * *
It was after Sean’s nineteenth birthday that I started to become restless. The focus of that restlessness was Sean. I saw that he was at last reaching manhood and this knowledge stirred in me an intense sexual desire such as I had never known before.
To my love for him were added feelings of lust as I looked at his lithe young body, so like the man who had fathered him; the dark hair and brilliant blue eyes; the strong limbs and flat stomach; his full lips that looked as if carved in love by a sculptor.
Distressed by my feelings I turned to the Goddess.
“Help me…help me…” I implored her, “I have evil desires for my son.”
“Long ago,” she replied, “a faithful son of mine said, ‘Evil be to him who evil thinks.’ Think no evil of your desire, and wait in patience for the time I have appointed,” she replied ambiguously.
Throughout that year my desire increased, but not only was it the desire to be sexually united with Sean; there was a deeper yet undefined desire that haunted my days and nights.
Many times I resorted to the Goddess, appealing to her for help, but she gave no answer. It was as if she, who had given me so much, had now deserted me in my time of great need.
It became worse when Sean again spent many hours with me. I assumed that the woman the Goddess had given him had now departed from his life.
My need for him passed from desire to frustrated agony and I cursed the Goddess who had demanded chastity from me. I implored her to release me either from the desire that was almost overwhelming me, or from the bonds of chastity. Still she made no answer.
It was as I noticed that Sean became restless in my presence rather like a hungry lion pacing as the time to be fed approaches that I became aware that he hungered for me.
In desperation I resorted to the Goddess again.
“Help me I implore you,” I cried out to her.
At last she spoke.
“You are angry with me Sila because I have ordered you to be patient and await the time. That time is near now, and you shall know love and fulfilment beyond your imagination.”
“How…how…when…?” I asked despairingly.
“When Sean has reached the maturity of his manhood.”
“But some say that it is when you are eighteen and that has passed, and others public agent porno when you are twenty one and that is far distant,” I protested.
“For those who worship me and are faithful twenty is the age I ordain to be maturity. On the day he is twenty you and he will serve me as I have long planned. You have born the powerful feelings of sexual desire I have implanted in you with fortitude, bear them a little longer. On his twentieth birthday you are both to come before me and I will tell you what you must do.”
His twentieth birthday! That was only two weeks away.
Of course I knew then what the Goddess intended. She had given Sean a woman who had taught him the pleasures of a woman’s body; she had stirred up in me long dormant sexual desires; she had turned Sean towards me as the object of his desire. On his twentieth birthday we were to be united in the sexual act. With this faith I became calmer and thanked the Goddess.
* * * * * * * *
I spoke to Sean about the Goddess’s command without indicating what I thought it might mean. He was clearly puzzled, but made no comment.
The day arrived; it was a working day, and so it was not until evening that we came before the Goddess.
“We come before you, O Goddess, as you ordered; we await you command,” I intoned.
“The Goddess glowed and then said, “My beloved daughter, and Sean, soon to be my beloved son; first you will cleanse yourselves, but separately for the temptation to unite may overcome you if you cleanse together. Then you will come before me naked, and place on the altar a bowl of rosemary, sacred unto me, and light it. I will then tell you what you must do.”
The light in her faded and I went to my en suite to shower, while Sean went to the bathroom for his shower. After I prepared the bowl of rosemary and together Sean and I approached the altar.
I lit the rosemary and as its fragrance began to permeate the room the Goddess began to glow again.
“The time of your destiny had arrived,” she said. “Sila, I enter you spiritually now and it will be as if when Sean fertilises you, he also fertilises me.”
Her light faded and I felt a warm glow pass through me. My vagina was wet with my fluid of love, my nipples erect. I squatted down onto the carpet and in the manner of the Goddess I parted my legs and reached under them to open my labia majora to reveal my labia minora.
Sean gazed down at me for a moment, and then as if in homage he knelt before me and putting his hands under my buttocks raised my pudenda to his lips and kissed it.
“This shall be a place sacred to me,” he said.
He came over me, and I murmured, “Impregnate me, my love.”
He entered me, his long shaft pressing down into my depths.
As his seed began to pour into me he cried out, “I love you…I love you…”
The Goddess granted me the woman’s anguish and elation that attends the initiation of new life in her womb.
When the struggle to procreate was over I feared that the Goddess would once more demand chastity from me. Unlike the union with his father I felt the union with Sean to be profound. He had become one with me, and I with him; and in it all we had united with the Goddess.
I felt the Goddess leave me and her figure on the altar once more glowed.
I heard her voice. “Sean, you have been faithful to me; hereafter you shall be my beloved son. Sila, you have been a faithful daughter, and hereafter you shall bring forth a girl child, and her destiny will be to serve me.”
For the first time Sean heard the voice, and always thereafter he heard the Goddess when she spoke.
She continued, “For your faithfulness and devotion to me, henceforth you shall have the joy of each other. Be faithful to me and to each other and in the end I shall take you to me and you shall have the joy of eternal bliss.”
* * * * * * * *
Here Sila’s manuscript ends so it is I, Sean, who shall briefly complete her story.
Sila gave birth to a lovely girl child who at the command of the Goddess we named Star.
Sila and I had the joy of each other for twenty years and she remained ever in the spring of her life, until as she prayed before the altar one day, the Goddess took her into eternity.
I have continued to worship the Goddess and Star joins me in my devotions as my acolyte. She is soon to be twenty years of age and at the command of the Goddess I shall inseminate her and then she will be a daughter of the Goddess.
I am hopeful that she may bring forth a man child so that he in turn may impregnate her and she will have a girl child, and thus the Goddess will be worshipped and served generation after generation.
I trust that after I have impregnated Star the Goddess will allow us to have the joy of each other thereafter until the Goddess takes me into eternity.
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