Letters from Mom

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I met Lisa when I was twenty-two and it was love at first sight for me.  I had broken my ankle in a mountain biking accident and she was the nurse who helped put the cast on for me.  She was blond, gorgeous and had a captivating personality.  I loved her despite the fact that she was a widow who was five years older than me and had a ten-year-old daughter, Jackie. Lisa had become pregnant with Jackie when she was sixteen. She had married her rich college boyfriend rather than give up Jackie.  A few years later her husband died of a drug overdose. Lisa wanted to ensure that Jackie did not make the same mistakes in life that she did. She felt that it was important to model a conservative approach to sexuality and relationships. Lisa dressed modestly whenever she went out in public and only purchased modest outfits for Jackie.  We never had sex at Lisa’s house and always kept our physical affections muted in front of Jackie.  We also decided not to live together until we got married so that Jackie would get the ‘right message’ about the importance of commitment before sex. When we got married two years later, I learned that Lisa was very liberal in the privacy of our home.  She walked around naked or semi-naked in front of Jackie and did not seem bothered when Jackie saw me naked.  On cold winter days, we would all have a sauna together completely naked.  I was uncomfortable at first, however, Lisa insisted that nakedness in families was normal, so I got used to it.Lisa often left the bedroom door open when we made love, saying that she had nothing to hide from Jackie because sex was a normal and healthy part of a marriage.We had been married for two years and Jackie had recently turned fourteen when tragedy struck.  Lisa told me that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer.  The doctors planned an aggressive treatment plan that included brain surgery, followed by Chemo, but even with all the treatment, she was unlikely to survive for more than a year.  Lisa was scheduled for the surgery a week later.On the morning of the surgery, Lisa gave me a stack of letters addressed to Jackie.  She asked me to give the letters to Jackie on her birthdays if something went wrong in the surgery.We kissed Lisa before they wheeled her away on the gurney.  That was the last time we saw her alive.  There was a complication late in the surgery and Lisa died on the operating table.We were devastated.  Jackie and I cried together for weeks on end as we tried to process the absurdity of Lisa’s sudden death.  Jackie slept on Lisa’s side of the bed for weeks and refused to even consider going back to her own bed.Lisa named me Jackie’s guardian and made it clear that she wanted me to be responsible for Jackie.  There was a letter addressed to Lisa’s parents where she explained her wishes to them.  Lisa parents had talked about getting custody of Jackie, but Lisa’s letter put an end to those discussions.Lisa had written a letter to me in which she asked me to take care of Jackie and to continue raising her with Lisa’s values.Time passed and Jackie and I learned to live a life without Lisa. Eventually, the sorrow started to fade as we worked through our grief. ===========When Jackie turned sixteen we started the day with breakfast and then I gave her Lisa’s sixteenth birthday letter. I took her shopping for a new outfit that she wanted to wear on her birthday date. Lisa had always taken Jackie out to dinner on her birthday. When Lisa died, I kept the tradition going. I took a vacation day and she skipped school so that we could do stuff together on her birthday.Jackie chose an elegant black cocktail dress that kept to our rules of modesty but still made her look stunning. The hem of the dress was knee length and the neckline was high enough that no cleavage showed. The form hugging dress, however, displayed Jackie’s maturing figure superbly. The lack of cleavage seemed to emphasize her size B boobs which seemed to be growing week by week.“Do you like this one Daddy?” Jackie asked. “I feel so grown up in it.”I hesitate and almost vetoed the choice as I felt almanbahis it made her look too sexy. Jackie looked a lot like her mother. She had the same golden blond hair and creamy complexion as Lisa. I thought Jackie’s face was slightly prettier than Lisa’s and she had a little bit more shape to her ass than Lisa did. Her narrow waist combined with her shapely ass and growing tits created a natural sex appeal that was hard to hide. I realised that once you added Jackie’s gorgeous hair and beautiful face to the picture she was going to turn heads no matter what she wore.”I do,” I eventually answered.Sensing my reservation, Jackie said, “Do you really like it? You don’t seem sure.””Yes, I do, you look very beautiful. I was just thinking about how much you have grown up. You look so much like your mother now.”Jackie beamed at the compliment, “Thanks, dad. I think I’ll take it.”That night Jackie was spectacular. Light makeup accentuated her blue eyes and highlighted her full lips. She added a pair of black high heels and a red handbag to the dress to complete a simple but breathtaking outfit that made her look much older than sixteen.”Wow,” I said, as she walked down the stairs. “Who are you trying to impress and what have you done with my little girl?”She laughed at my joke, “I’m only trying to impress you. You look very handsome.”I had dressed smart casual for dinner but still felt a little underdressed when I compared myself to Jackie.Jackie still held my hand sometimes and she chose to hold my hand as we walked from the car into the restaurant. The waitress quickly found my reservation and guided us to our table.As we were being seated the waitress asked, “Are you celebrating a special occasion?”“Yes, we are,” I answered. “It’s Jackie’s birthday today.”“That’s wonderful,” The waitress smiled at Jackie. “How old are you? Or is that too rude to ask?”“Oh, I don’t mind,” Jackie smiled back at the waitress. “How old do you think I am?”The waitress hesitated a moment, glanced at Jackie’s outfit, and then answered, “I’m not sure, Hmm. I’d say you’re about twenty-one.”Without skipping a beat Jackie said, “Wow, you are good. I’m twenty today.”“Congratulations,” the waitress said, “I hope you have a wonderful night.”“Thank you.”Turning to me the waitress asked, “Can I get you something to drink?”“Sure, I’ll have a glass of Malbec.”“How about you?” The waitress asked Jackie.Jackie tried her luck and said, “I’ll have the same.”Jackie knew she had me in a bind. She was not allowed to drink alcohol at home and certainly would not be allowed to order alcohol in a restaurant. The legal drinking age in Canada is nineteen, and by letting the waitress believe that she was twenty, I was being placed on the spot. Do I let her order the wine, or do I embarrass her and reveal that she had lied to the waitress?I let Jackie get away with the order, as it was her birthday and I did not want to embarrass her. I would confiscate the wine once it arrived and drink it myself.When the waitress left, Jackie gushed at me, “She thinks I’m twenty-one. I’ve never had someone think I’m that old before. What’s Malbec?”“Malbec is a type of red wine and you should not have ordered it,” I answered, feeling irritated.“Oh good, “Jackie exclaimed, “I hoped that it was wine, I’ve been wanting to taste wine for a while now, but mom always said that I had to be sixteen before I could have alcohol.”By mentioning Lisa, Jackie had effectively trumped all of my authority on the matter. Lisa’s letters outlined a number of requests and rules that Lisa wished for Jackie’s life. This sounded exactly like something Lisa would have specified in a letter.“I think you’ll have to show me these letters someday,” I responded grumpily.“I can’t,” she said seriously, “It is full of girl stuff, but I suppose I could show you the lines that talk about drinking alcohol.”“It’s okay,” I conceded, “I trust you. I’m sure you would not lie about mom’s letters.”I excused myself and went to the washroom. When I returned there were two glasses of wine on the table.Jackie was looking very pleased with herself. “Guess almanbahis yeni giriş what the waitress thinks?”Before taking a sip of wine, I said, “I have no idea.”“She thinks that you’re my boyfriend!”I nearly choked on the wine, “Why does she think that?”“She asked me how long we had been dating.” Jackie was loving the reaction I was having to her story.“I hope you told her I’m your father,” I said seriously.Jackie laughed at my discomfort, “You’re my guardian, not my father.”“It’s the same thing. What did you say?” I said with some exasperation.“I told her we had been dating for six months. She said we were suited to each other and made a very nice couple.”“Jackie, you can’t do that, even if it is a joke,” I explained. “I could get into serious trouble if someone who knows us believed what you said.”“Why would you get into trouble?” Jackie asked with concern. “You aren’t really my father. We don’t even have the same last name.”Lisa had decided that Jackie would keep her real father’s name when we got married.“That’s true,” I conceded, “but I’m your guardian and that makes it illegal for me to be in a relationship with you.”Jackie seemed to be genuinely upset as she continued to argue the point, “That’s stupid. Does that mean if we fell in love one day that we would not be able to get married?”“Well in that hypothetical situation, I would stop being your guardian once you turned eighteen and then we would be two normal people, free to do anything we wanted.”Jackie seemed to relax and said, “Oh, that makes sense.”I wondered if Jackie had some fantasy that we could one day have a romantic relationship. I decided to burst that bubble if it existed. “Legally it would be okay, but socially it would not. In today’s society, it would not be accepted at all. Your grandparents, my friends, your friends, and everyone else would be opposed to it.”“I’m sorry,” Jackie said on the verge of tears. “I didn’t think that I could get you into trouble. I just wanted to pretend that I was on a real date.”I felt bad for her. “Don’t worry about tonight. We will never see this waitress again and I don’t mind you having some fun, especially tonight. What do you think of the wine?”“I haven’t tried it yet,” Jackie said. She took a small sip and grimaced. “That tastes terrible! Why on earth would you want to drink that?”I laughed, “It is an acquired taste and not everybody likes wine. I like the sour taste.”The waitress arrived to take our order. Jackie took another sip of wine. Over our meal, we discussed Jackie’s learner licence test that she planned to take soon. I also got caught up on all of the gossip relating to her school friends. Jackie kept on sipping her wine through the meal and had completed about three-quarters of the glass at the end of the main meal.After dinner, the nature of the conversation became more serious. Jackie told me about her friend Shelly, who had sent a topless picture of herself to her boyfriend. He had shared the picture with some of his friends, who had then forwarded it on to others. Soon the whole school had seen the picture and now everybody was calling Shelly a slut.“I really hate the boys at my school,” Jackie said. “They’re all big jerks. Shelly thought that Sam loved her, but he only wanted to prove to his friends that he had sex with Shelly.”“Teenage boys can be jerks,” I agreed with her, “A lot of boys will do and say anything to have sex with a girl. The more girls a boy has sex with, the more esteem he gets from his friends, so he will brag about each conquest. It is the opposite for a girl. If a girl sleeps around, she will be called a slut and she loses respect.”“That’s not fair,” Jackie complained.“No, it’s not. But it is a fact of life. That is why mom insisted on you dressing modestly because even wearing sexy, revealing clothes can get you labeled a slut.””Yes, I know, mom explained it in her letters. She also explained how sex worked and how to have safe sex using a condom. She said I should wait until I was at least sixteen and a whole lot of other stuff, like taking the pill.”“That’s good,” I said, “I’m glad almanbahis giriş I did not have to explain any of that to you.”Jackie smiled at my admission, “Her letter did not explain what jerks boys are. She did not tell me that I would not want to have sex with any of them, and if I did have sex with one, I would be labeled a tramp.”The wine had certainly loosened Jackie’s tongue as we had never spoken openly about sex before.I decided to try and give some parental advice, “One day you will meet a boy that you really like and you’ll want to have sex with him. No matter how badly you want to sleep with him or how much he pressures you, you should only sleep with him after months. That way no one will call you a slut. If he only wants you for sex, then he will move on before the three months are up.”“Mom explained that, but that means I’m going to be a virgin for years to come. I can’t see any of the boys I know waiting three months.”“I think you are exaggerating,” I said. “But even if you do wait years. Making love to someone who loves you will be so much better than meaningless sex with someone who does not respect you.”“But I really want to have sex! I’ve waited until I turned sixteen, but now that I’m sixteen, all of my options have dried up. I’ve wanted to have sex ever since you married Mom. I could overhear you and Mom doing it and she always sounded so happy. Sometimes when you left the door open I would sneak out and watch Moms face. She always had an expression of pure joy on her face.”I sat in stunned silence not sure what to say. The truth seemed the best option. “What your mother and I had was special. We loved each other and placed the others needs above our own. Our lovemaking reflected our love for each other.”“I want that! I want to feel what Mom felt. I thought that you would be able to teach me about sex because we are not related. Mom said in her letter that once I turned sixteen, I could ask you anything about sex.” Her lower lip started to quiver and tears appeared in her eyes. “I don’t think Mom understood the whole guardianship thing.”“I don’t think Mom meant that I would teach you by having sex with you,” I said. “I’m sure she meant that you could ask me anything and I would explain it.”My final correction was too much for Jackie and she started crying. I called for the check and then put my arms around her and held her until she stopped crying. Jackie fell asleep in the car on the way home.That night I lay awake for a long time thinking about what Jackie had said. I knew that the wine was a contributor to the confession, however, I believed that she had told me the truth. I worried that I had been too harsh when I had chosen to put an end to her fantasy. I could have been gentler with her, and I hoped that I did not damage our relationship too much. We had a good relationship built on respect and genuine friendship. She was a great companion and could speak intelligently on most subjects. We got on well, she mostly obeyed the house rules and did her fair share of chores.After exhausting all of the emotional aspects of our conversation my mind to thoughts of a more devious nature. I had always thought of Jackie as my daughter, and in my mind, any kind of sexual thoughts about her was strictly off limits. I had seen her naked on a number of occasions and once in a while we still shared a sauna together after spending the day skiing. It was a natural nonsexual kind of nakedness that often happens in families. Lisa had encouraged it while she was alive and we had continued it to a lesser extent after she had died.I realised that Jackie’s confession had irreversibly changed the way I thought about her. In my mind’s eye, she had always been the cute ten-year-old girl that I had met when Lisa and I had first started dating. My image of Jackie had changed. I realised that she had grown up before my eyes into a young sexual woman. As hard as tried not to think about it I wondered if Jackie fantasised about me. Did she imagine me doing all the things to her, that used to do to Lisa?It had nearly been two years since Lisa’s death and I hadn’t thought of dating another woman. Whenever my sexual need got too great, I would fantasise about making love to Lisa. I would cum to a variety of favourite memories, but then I would get depressed, knowing that I would never make love…

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